Friday, December 7, 2012

The Drug that Will Make Your Relationship Awesome

There's a drug everyone should be taking. It has a ton of positive benefits that affect our bodies, our psychological and emotional well-being, and even improves our relationships with significant others and the rest of society.
  • It helps regulate our cholesterol.
  • It stimulates an antihistamine effect, which counteracts allergy and asthma symptoms.
  • Boosts your self-esteem.
  • Makes you feel greater feelings of love for your significant other; increases generosity and kindness due to oxytocin production.
  • It helps strengthen the muscles that control your bladder.
  • If taken regularly, will result in two pounds of weight loss per year.
  • Makes your hair and skin appear healthier due to a release of estrogen.
  • Will make you more attractive to the opposite sex (pheromone effect)
  • Causes a powerful release of endorphines, your body's natural painkiller (which is about five times more powerful than oxycontin).
  • If the drug is taken at least three times per week, it reduces heart attacks by 50%. 
  • Will make you feel younger by approximately 1.5 years.
  • Can reduce the rate of some cancers, including prostate cancer.
  • It increases both quality and quantity of sleep.
  • It boosts immunoglobin A, which helps our body fight infections.
  • It causes a release of testosterone, which has the same effects as steroids (which are synthetic testosterone). This makes our bones, muscles, tendons, and ligaments stronger.
  • Best of all- this drug is free! Well, in most situations anyway.
What is this miracle drug?

Sex.

Yup. That's right. All of these effects are the result of having sex. Most data reported these benefits with two or three romps in the hay per week. Many of the effects are the result of partnered sex, so masturbation isn't quite as beneficial. Assuming you're having safe, consensual sex, it's pretty much a win-win for all those involved.

Of course, there are some negatives:
  • Chafing.
End of list.

Sex is an overwhelmingly positive experience. In fact, I hypothesize all world problems could be solved if only we had more sex. Who has time to start wars when they're too bust gettin' it on? Increased generosity solves world hunger. Disease? Sex boosts immunity. If we really want to make the world a better place, let's start encouraging people to have more sex.

Dr. Jason* is giving you a prescription:

Fuck. Take three times per week.

In the event you're in a relationship where your significant other doesn't care about all these positive benefits (i.e.- their sex drive doesn't match yours), try some of these methods. Or learn to be seductive.


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Help me out! I'm trying to increase the readership and frequency of comments on The Sexpressionist blog, but it's tricky. Most people seem to be reluctant to share a sex blog via social media. If you have friends or family members that may be interested in the topics, please forward them the links via PMs, email, or other such "discreet" methods.  Thanks!

* For those that aren't familiar with my dumbassery, I'm not really a doctor. Or a writer for that matter...

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