Monday, April 6, 2015

Embracing Alpha, "Man Camp", and Becoming a Third Generation Male

Do you want to be a better leader? Do you want to have a healthier relationship with your wife or girlfriend? Do you want to avoid a sexless marriage? Do you want to be a good role model for your sons? You might want to become a Third Generation Male!

What is a Third Generation Male?

A Third Generation Male is my idealized male optimized to thrive in our modern world. TGMs are alpha males that also possess the capacity to successfully utilize feminine and/or beta male characteristics if the situation warrants while still maintaining equal opportunity, equal possibility, and equal responsibility for all members of our society. TGMs are discussed in more detail in this previous post. My newest project involves the development of a plan to help current beta males between their late twenties to around their fifties develop their alpha male skill set, especially in the confines of a romantic relationship.

Typical Modern Relationship Script

The most common relationship model we see in our modern American culture follows this well-worn pattern:

  • We spend our late teens and early twenties in college, in the military, or learning a trade of some sort, which usually includes playing the dating field to find what we like and don't like.
  • We reach our mid-to-late twenties, meet someone special, and maybe shack up.
  • We get married.
  • We have a kid or three, maybe buy a cocker spaniel named "Rusty."
  • We enter a downward spiral of slowly disappearing quantity and quality of sex and possibly intimacy, resentment and other negative emotions creep in.
  • Mired in mostly hidden unhappiness, one or both members of the couple either seek outside help, bury themselves in a career, drugs, or extramarital affairs. 
  • At some point, we realize we're wasting the only resource that really matters (time) and the pain of leaving the relationship is less than the pain of staying, so we get divorced.
  • We meet someone new, convince ourselves they're our soul mates, then repeat the cycle.
No Bone Zone was written to address this cycle, and this project goes a step farther by helping the males learn better interpersonal and relationship skills.

Advantages of Alpha

So what's the appeal of alphas? I've always leaned toward alpha tendencies in some situations, but not all. Most importantly, I was a total textbook beta in all my relationships. About six years ago, I started a very slow journey to change that. The progress really started progressing when I started dabbling in jiu jitsu and mma (something about fighting...) and really took off over the last year

The changes have been dramatic. As I mention in the linked article above, people just respond  differently and it's overwhelmingly positive. This was probably the most shocking thing I've experienced. As a mostly-beta male, I bought into the idea that alpha males were misogynistic douchebags and generally reviled by anyone and everyone. My experience has taught me the exact opposite - it's the beta male that we really hate. Sadly, there are so many beta males floating around, just being a half-assed alpha immediately vaults you to the top of almost every food chain you encounter. People (yes, both men and women) treat you a little bit like a rock star. People desperately want someone to step up and take the reins, and it's painfully obvious the number of people willing to do that is dropping fast. 

Enter this project. 

The main goal for the project is teaching men how to rediscover this seemingly lost art in a way that's applicable to today's world. 

The San Diego Man Camp Group

The goal of the "Man Camp" is to help men transform from betas to TGMs. The idea for the "Man Camp" stems from the original barefoot running clinics I used to do, a healthy dose of my psychology classroom pedagogy, and a little inspiration from my BRUcrew "self-improvement" group I ran a few years back. It will eventually be an actual multi-week workshop held in San Diego. Until then, I created a Facebook group to allow dudes to discuss the ideas I'll eventually teach in the workshops.

After much discussion, I decided to limit the group to males only because the presence of females inhibits the conversation. Yes, that's shitty. Blame our society's tendency to call any non-female-centered gender discussions "sexist" and misogynistic." Besides, this particular methodology only pertains to males.

I did have someone ask if the group is strictly related to heterosexual issues. While that is the primary focus, I believe the same dynamics play out in non-hetero relationships, too. All dudes are welcome regardless of where they fall on the Kinsey Scale.

Fair Warning

If you have strong white knight tendencies that you cannot inhibit, please do not ask to join the group. While gender equality is one of the tenants of the TGM, we will be discussing feminism, femininity, and women in a negative light on occasion. I myself have little tolerance for genuine misogynistic sentiment, so I'll be quick to bust out the ban-hammer for any nonproductive bashing of any group. Oh, and I swear a lot. 

If you're okay with those qualifiers, click on the link below and request membership. I'll start discussions shortly. 



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