Thursday, May 7, 2015

The Greatest Failing of Feminism

Over the last few days, friends have forwarded me two interesting news stories. In the first, a woman wrote about "yes sometimes means no." The premise is that sometimes a woman affirmatively consents to sex, but doesn't really want to have sex. Her premise is that the very idea of consent is "...a privilege, and it was built for wealthy, heterosexual, cis, white, western, able-bodied masculinity." So we're clear, she's claiming if a guy wants to have sex with her and she says "yes", it's still considered rape because saying "no", apparently, is something only wealthy, heterosexual, cis, white, western, able-bodied masculine persons can do. 

In the second story, four women met an apparently attractive, young dude online, then agreed to meet up for completely consensual blindfolded "50 Shades of Gray" sex in a dark room without having ever actually met the dude face-to-face. As you can probably guess, the dude turned out to be a 68 year old man. He's being charged with "rape by surprise." I'll be the first to say the dude's actions were completely shitty and I suspect he's a terrible human being. But that doesn't change the fact that these women readily agreed to do this

Both of these issues highlight a trend I've seen repeated again and again and again. Too many women seemingly don't understand that decision-making is power, and with that power comes responsibility. 

I know a lot of you white knights and irrational feminists are reading this and your Spidey sense is tingling because we've been taught to frame this sentiment as misogynistic sexism. Unfortunately, that's the very sentiment that creates the issue. 

I'm pretty sure she was capable of stepping over the stream...


For a long time, I've wondered about the exact nature of the glass ceiling (imaginary boundary that keeps women from advancing to positions of power.) The traditional explanation usually revolves around men creating a "good 'ole boys club" that intentionally works to concentrate power among themselves. Talented women are seen as a threat, hence they are excluded. 

But is this really what's happening here?

There's a flip side to the glass ceiling known as the "glass cellar." These are dangerous jobs that are performed by men almost exclusively. Think working on oil rig workers, welders, roofers, and waste management workers. There's very little prestige in these careers, hence they have very little power. Why are women excluded from both of these types of jobs?

I have two hypotheses.

First, most men have a "protection" drive that compels us to protect women. This is most obvious when a man steps in to protect his significant other from physical harm (like a mugger or home invader), but is also apparent is the aforementioned white knight behaviors. It's hard for most of us men (myself included) to see our girlfriends, wives, or daughters get hurt. For me personally, I feel far more protective towards my daughter than my sons, even though my daughter is probably the most capable of taking care of her own shit (Shelly is a phenomenal role model.) This protection instinct makes us bristle whenever we see women in danger, which is part of the reason the glass cellar exists and we have mixed feelings about women serving on the front lines in the military. 

Second, positions of power or danger require a vetting process regardless of gender. The CEO of a company has to make a lot of important decisions that directly affect the welfare of a whole lotta people, including those below them. A good example is downsizing. If the company is facing a situation where the company will either go out of business or fire half of their employees, the CEO has to be willing to give those people the ax. That could mean many people would not be able to feed their kids. Not everybody has the courage to make that call, hence the vetting process.

In glass cellar jobs, the same principle applies but for a different reason. Many of these jobs require employees to look out for each other (I've had a few of these jobs.) You could literally have another person's life in your hands. These jobs require trust, and that trust has to be measured and earned in some way.

The Purpose of Hazing


Enter hazing. Hazing is often seen as a silly, useless activity guys do for no discernible reason, mostly because it makes absolutely no sense. Unless you look below the surface. Hazing does two things - it tests and it conditions. Male hazing is just like a shit test. Whereas women may be testing to see if a dude really is a confident, assertive, compassionate provider, dudes haze to make sure the other dudes have the capacity and willingness to cover their back. Evolutionary speaking, hazing is how guys assure, no matter what, the other dudes guarding the perimeter of their tribe will be willing to stay and fight. Mutual survival requires that dedication. 

Hazing also conditions by "toughening" each other. This is why guys are always mocking each other and punching each other in the balls. It desensitizes us to emotional and physical pain. Not surprisingly, the more dangerous the endeavor, the more intense the hazing. We can expect dudes deployed in Afghanistan to haze a lot more than male French literature professors at Yale. 

Sort of off-topic but kind of important: A lot of bullying behaviors can be explained as misguided hazing. In other words, sometimes bullying isn't about the bully having low self-esteem or being a complete sociopath (though that does happen.) In many cases, bullying is an attempt by the bully to "toughen up" those around them. This is relevant because, in my role as a teacher, some bully intervention strategies fall flat. In almost every case, the methods fail because the people doing the intervention do not recognize the bullying as a form of hazing. Once it's reframed that way, the problem gets A LOT easier to solve. 

So What Does This Mean For Women?


I would go as far to say the greatest failure of feminism has been the failure to teach women that the power the comes with decision-making requires one to take responsibility for said decisions. When you make bad decisions, you have to live with the consequences. You don't get to claim victimhood. THAT is the nature of power. That's what the women in the "yes really means no" situation fails to grasp. That's what the women that fucked the anonymous online dude failed to grasp. In both cases, the women are making decisions but are not willing to accept the consequences of their decisions. 

It's worth noting this is not a male and female issue. There are plenty of men that also do not take responsibility for their actions. Not surprisingly, those men also to not rise above the glass ceiling nor do they fall below the glass cellar. More significantly, there are a lot of women that DO accept that responsibility and thrive in positions of power of high danger. Shit, my wife is one such person.

When Shelly and I started training at our mma gym (doing jiu jitsu, boxing, muay Thai, and mma), we immediately noticed we were mostly ignored. Nobody bothered to learn our names, most people would be pleasant, but clearly distant. At first, we just thought everyone was kind of rude. Then we assumed it was just a "California thing." 

Once we got past that stage and were accepted, we realized those behaviors were for a very different purpose. It was a form of passive hazing. While we were being given the cold shoulder, people were also testing us physically. Could we take a punch? Could we tap out when put in a dangerous position? Did we release submissions when someone was tapping out? Were we hotheads that couldn't control our tempers, or were we calm and collected under pressure? 

All of that was necessary because we're doing a ridiculously dangerous activity. If we're choking someone out and they don't tap, they'll lose consciousness after a few seconds because there's no blood flow to their brain. If we don't release the choke immediately, there's a good chance they could suffer irreversible brain damage or even death. Same deal with boxing and muay Thai. Essentially, we had to prove to everyone that they could trust us with their lives. 

The operative part of this - they treated Shelly exactly like they treated me. Our teammates punch her just as hard as they punch me. Sex was irrelevant. Our ability to survive the test is all that mattered. I see this with my female friends that occupy positions of power. They first had to prove they could handle the shit they are forced to handle as part of the endeavor. They take personal responsibility for their actions. They don't blame someone else. They don't play the victim card. Decisions have consequences. Male or female, if you're not willing to accept those consequences, the people that rely on you are not going to trust you.

All too often, my hard-core feminist friends will demand women have access to institutions that are seemingly exclusive to males. What they fail to realize is that you can't demand people trust you because that trust is critical to the other people that are part of that institution. Many women seem to believe men automatically get a free pass, which is ridiculous. Any man will tell you he has to prove himself to become part of these power or danger-based institutions. What right would I have to go into my gym on the first day and demand to be treated exactly like the people that have been proving themselves for years and years? Sounds ridiculous, doesn't it?

What Needs to Happen


Equality, whether it be gender, racial, age-related, or whatever) should involve a simple idea - everyone should have the same opportunity, same possibility, and same responsibility. If a woman wants a job in upper management, she shouldn't get a free pass to the front of the line. She should have to prove herself just like the men. If she can hack it, great! If not, try something else. 

In the event the ARE actual barriers based on gender that aren't part of the vetting/hazing process (and these DO exist), those absolutely should be removed because they violate the above principle. However, considering the vetting.hazing process as a barrier is flat-out stupid. That process exists for a good reason. It's intended to keep out the unqualified regardless of gender. 


I do not want my kids to grow up in a world where we give people power or place them in dangerous positions just because they make the most noise. I want people in those positions because they've proven they can handle the responsibility of the situation. THAT is what equality is all about.

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Tuesday, May 5, 2015

The "Manbod" is Bullshit

There's been quite a bit of talk as of late about a phenomenon known as the "manbod", which is code for "fat." Supposedly, women now prefer this body type over a fitter, healthier body type. Toss out Ryan Reynolds, hello Pillsbury Dough Boy!


Not surprisingly, every male over the age of fifteen is rejoicing. Staying fit is tough, and that degree of difficulty seems to increase exponentially as a function of age. If Fat Bastard really were the universal feminine ideal, all of us dudes could confidently plant our asses on our couches and fire up the 'ole Xbox. 

But wait - should we really trust this sentiment? 


The original article shedding light on "dadbods" came from a college girl. ONE college girl. And, supposedly, her roommate. While I'm sure she's a bright girl, I tend not to trust life advice coming from someone with so little life experience. Help with a Pythagorean theorem? Sure. Advice on what women want? No fucking way.

When I posted the issue to social media, the response was predictable. Every man that didn't work hard to remain fit jumped on board in support of the idea. Men that did work hard to remain fit just laughed at the other men's naive response. Women we far more skeptical... unless they had a partner with a dadbod -or- seemed to have insecurity and jealousy issues. This helped conform what I suspected all along - this is the exact same fallacy as "women love nice guys" or "just be yourself and your soul mate will come along eventually."

And we know both of those ideas are complete horse shit. Women don't want nice guys. Women want a bad boy they can tame. And "just be yourself" is just a thinly-veiled attempt to get guys to stop trying to appear better than they really are in hopes of landing a better partner. It's the equivalent of a men telling women to stop wearing makeup, hair extensions, pushup bras, Spanx, and yoga pants. 

I've been spending a lot of time lately counseling dudes that bought into these two ideas, and they follow a very predictable pattern. They internalize these ideas sometime around puberty, then go through years of rejection and friend-zoning. Eventually, usually around their mid-to-late twenties, they land a girl who seemingly appreciates their willingness to sacrifice anything and everything for the love of a woman. They get married, have kids, and quickly settle into a life of complete, desperate dread. And now, with the popularizing of the belief that women love the dadbod, they can now rationalize completely letting themselves go.

So if women don't universally find "dadbods" attractive, what's actually going on? There could be a few things going on here:


  • Some women may actually prefer fat dudes. Even though it's not entirely understood, women develop fetishes like men. It's entirely plausible for a woman to be physiologically aroused by fat guys. If this is the case, this is entirely healthy and legitimate. Rock on, chubby-chasers!
  • Some women are horribly insecure and possessive, and the thought of their man cheating or leaving them is simply elicits too much anxiety. The solution? Go after undesirable dudes that won't likely be poached by better women. Not surprisingly, this is a stupidly unhealthy mindset for a relationship; the suspicions and accusations will result in abject misery. Any dude that pairs with this woman reaps what he sows.
  • Her market sucks. Relationship pairing behaviors follow a pretty predictable supply and demand pattern based on sexual market values. Hot, young, smart, sexually-adventurous women get the pick of the litter, and everyone else falls in line. If a woman delays "settling down" in favor of career development, her pool of "good men" dries up quickly after about the age of 25. Indeed, just take a look at social media posts from single women over 30. This Onion article is funny because it's true. These women would accept a "dadbod" because it's literally the best man they can get that's decent relationship material. This isn't necessarily a bad thing; dudes do the exact same thing. The lone danger here, for men, is that their ladies may have lowered their expectations, but they're still aroused by fit dudes. If she gets bored after a few years of the relationship, she may not turn down advances from the buff dudes
  • She's just lazy. The college girl alluded to this idea in her original post. Women may prefer fat dudes because they themselves would prefer to let themselves go. While physiologically-unhealthy, I actually don't have a problem with this. Hell, the only reason Shelly and I are pretty fit is we have stupidly physical hobbies (ultrarunning then jiu jitsu and mma.) Those activities aside, we're complete couch potatoes AND foodies AND we like alcohol. We're one serious injury away from the obesity train. 

So What's the Harm?


There's no harm in having a dadbod, so long as dudes fully understand the true cost. The health angle is obvious, but other costs might not be so clear. Here are a few of the potential hidden costs:
  • Buying into the dadbod belief means you're unwilling to live up to your full potential. For me, this is the big issue. Men today have a serious lack of drive to excel, and I find that personally annoying as fuck. That's a major reason I chose to do the sports I do - it's hard to half-ass running up and down rocky mountain trails for a day or stepping into a cage with someone that's eagerly anticipating beating your ass to a bloody pulp. In other words, the hobbies self-select the turds. And the "dadbod" rationalization promises to produce a lot more lazy turds.
  • Your pool of potential female mates shrinks. The number of women that prefer a fit body far outnumber the pool of women that prefer a Michelin Man body. Just like the number of women that prefer alpha males far outnumber the women that prefer beta males. Again, this isn't necessarily a problem if you know that going in. The danger, much like the "nice guy" trap, is that guys expect women to flock to their dadbod, then get bitter and resentful when they get rejected again and again. Personally, I believe THIS is the mechanism responsible for rampant misogyny we sometimes see from men. 
  • It's unhealthy. That was the main point of the very first link in this post - the dadbod promotes a body type that, based on the available research, is correlated to all sorts of health complications. Yes, yes, I know correlation does not equal causation, but this is one of those cases where it's probably prudent to assume there's a causal relationship. I'm clearly not in the "your body is a temple" camp, but I do think it is important to understand the risks of any lifestyle choice. And there are quite a few dudes that apparently have not heard that being obese is bad.

Conclusion


The dadbod phenomenon itself is not a bad thing. The expectation men may develop, especially regarding the universal appeal of love handles and a beer gut, is the root of the problem. Also, it would probably be prudent to question why exactly a woman may prefer the dadbod. If it's due to her own insecurity, that could be a huge red flag. If she's just low on options, it may work out okay as long as she doesn't do anything to increase her sexual market value. If she's just a hedonist, I say wave her around third. Enjoy that shit.

What do you think? Is this a good or bad phenomenon? Are women being disingenuous? Leave your thoughts in the comments!

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Monday, April 27, 2015

Get Your Shit Together, Ladies!!!


  • Fat shaming
  • Slut shaming
  • Bitch shaming
  • Skinny shaming
  • Boob shaming
  • Successful career shaming
  • Hairstyle shaming
  • Bisexual shaming
  • "You don't wear designer labels" shaming
  • Niche hobby shaming
  • Mommy shaming
Over the last few months, I've come across articles, all written by women, about all of the "shaming" topics listed above. Each article more or less followed the same formula: start with an intro, talk about how shaming behaviors are oppressing women, a rationale why women need to stop that specific shaming behavior, (then the kicker) a paragraph explaining how this particular shaming behavior is the direct result of patriarchal, misogynistic men.


Yes, that's right. All of the above are behaviors women do to each other, yet men are somehow to blame.

A perfect example: I was reading an article about women that delayed marriage and kids in favor of a career. It's a topic I've discussed at length because we make the "you can have it all" lifestyle seem  a lot easier than it really is. Still, a lot of women make that choice. And they get a lot of shit for that decision. In fact, that "shit" is considered the main component of the "glass ceiling" that prevents women from reaching the upper echelons of the corporate ladder. 

Until recently, I bought into the idea that the glass ceiling was created and maintained by high-status men that wanted to protect their "good 'ole boys' club" environment. When I started actually researching the topic, I was having a hard time finding these men. Without exception, every man I talked to welcomed women with open arms. The men understood setting an arbitrary barrier (you can't do this because you have a vagina) prevented the best people from assuming the most important positions, which is a policy that's bad for business. In short, the glass ceiling isn't a construct maintained by men.

The glass ceiling is a construct maintained by women. While it was impossible to find a man that wanted to sabotage a woman's success, it was ridiculously easy to find women that were willing and able to sabotage their fellow women. This sabotage almost always took the form of shaming behavior. The higher a woman climbed the ladder of success, the more other women tried to drag her back down. And their methods were nothing short of cruel. When men fight, we have a code most of us follow. We fight to move up our social ladder, and all men intuitively understand the idea of self-preservation. We'll hurt each other, but the injuries aren't lethal (literally and figuratively.) Women? You don't seem to have that preservation instinct, and it really comes out in the ferociousness of shaming behaviors. 

Listen up, ladies. You need to get your shit together. Stop treating each other like horse shit. More importantly, stop blaming my gender for your fuck-upedness. Men don't care if you're fat. Men don't care if your roots are showing. Men don't care if your belt doesn't exactly match your shoes. Men don't care which brand of jogging stroller you bought. Men don't care if you decided to climb the corporate ladder instead of pushing out a half-dozen babies. And slut shaming? Boob shaming? Bisexual shaming? Do you women really expect anyone to believe MEN are responsible for shaming those behaviors? Really? C'mon, people aren't that stupid.

It's time to stop this mental judo and blaming this dumbass shaming bullshit on men. First, we've spent decades vilifying masculinity presumably because masculinity is responsible for female oppression. That's given our society free reign to attack masculinity at every possible opportunity, and us men are really suffering as a result.

Second, you're sabotaging our own progress. I want to live in a world where we have true gender equality where all of us have the same opportunity regardless of the presence or absence of a vagina. I think men, given our willingness to embrace the emasculating beta mindset, have more than proven we're willing to make a huge sacrifice in for gender equality. 

Ladies? It's your turn to man up. If you want gender equality, stop fucking shaming each other! Things like "mommy wars" is not only immature and illogical, but it hurts all of us. Every time you insult a fellow woman, you're tightening your own shackles. 


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Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Why We Teach Boys Not To Cry



I recently got into an argument with a male friend about the topic of boys and crying. He was arguing the moniker "boys don't cry" needs to be abandoned, and his argument was based on the belief that women desperately want men that aren't afraid to show their sensitive side. Naturally, I disagreed.

First, the display of emotion conveys weakness. Throughout our history, men have served as protectors from outside threats. The stronger the perceived strength of any given tribe, the less likely rival tribes would raid, pillage provisions, rape the women, and enslave the children. If even one member of the tribe's protective class showed weakness, the likelihood of an attack would increase, and casualties would result.

This is less of an issue today given we don't have all that many rival gangs at the perimeter of our tribe's lands (unless you're a member of law enforcement or the military... cops and infantry are discouraged from sobbing in the presence of the enemy.) However, men are still judged and ranked based on their ability to protect and produce, and visible weakness does reduce a modern male's status relative to other men. Sorry beta males, but that's the price of androgyny. 

Second, women are not aroused by weak men. Women make the same attribution other men make. Crying conveys weakness. In fact, I would say the "women love sensitive guys" lie is among the most damaging gender-based beliefs we've spread in my generation. But how could this be? After all, this lie is repeated everywhere

Not hot.


If you recall our lesson on hypergamy, women want men that are alphas (who are decidedly NOT weak) and beta providers, ideally in the same package. The problem with a crybaby male is they are the antithesis of the alpha, and the alpha is what turns women on. If a man is willing to cry in front of a woman, that's a powerful indicator he has little or no alpha traits. He may be a great provider, but he's not going to arouse her beyond the honeymoon phase of the relationship. The relationship is pretty doomed to be just another notch in her serial monogamy headboard.

I have come across several women that insist they find men that cry in their presence "sexy", but every one of these women are in their mid-thirties, have never been married, and routinely lament about the "lack of good men out there." Some of them may have been this woman, if you catch my drift.

There ARE exceptions to this rule, but they're very far and few between. Think "death of a loved one", "your team just won the championship", or "the end of Old Yeller."



So We're Just Supposed to Bury Our Emotions?


Absolutely not. 

In my last post, I wrote about how and why masculinity has been actively and passively extinguished in our modern society. One of the greatest travesties of this process has been the systematic destruction of the male-exclusive spaces. Men simply do not have opportunities to congregate with other male friends in an environment that's free from female influence. In many cases, this is a result of guys allowing their wives or girlfriends to tag along (she's just one of the guys.) In other cases, women have actually forced their way into male-only spaces via the judicial system under the guide of gender equality.

While that seems like a virtuous outcome, it robs men of the one place they were free to actually share their emotions - among their male tribe members

Men have just as much range and potential for emotional expression as women, we're just taught to suppress those emotions when conditions warrant. Since expressing emotion in the presence of women reduces the male's attractiveness, we're more or less relegated to male-only environments. That's the same reason males can't just share their emotions with their wives and girlfriends... it makes them appear weak and unattractive. 

The obvious solution - create a renaissance of male-only spaces so we have an emotional outlet. This is a major goal of my San Diego Man Camp project. While it's still in the planning stages and exists only as a Facebook group, the goal is to make an actual live group that will meet weekly here in Southern California. 

This man-space issue is so very critical because, as most beta males would agree, many modern males are completely isolated from other males. I addressed part of this problem in No Bone Zone; both men and women today have the soul mate "you complete me" mentality. We believe our wives and girlfriends should be our best friends, so we let most of our male friendships fall by the wayside. 

This has certainly been the case with me. The number of close friends I have has steadily dwindled over the years. I have quite a few casual male acquaintances, many of which I would consider friends. But good friends that I can share emotions with? That's a very, very small number. I want that to change.

Conclusion


Historically, we taught boys to avoid crying in the midst of the enemy to avoid appearing weak. We taught boys to avoid crying in front of girls because it made us less attractive. Boys were taught to control their emotions and remain stoic until an opportunity arose for them to release the emotions in the presence of other men of their tribe. That is the reason male-only spaces are critically important. That's the primary reason I'm motivated to create my own male-only space.


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Monday, April 20, 2015

Why Feminists Want to Kill Masculinity

“If men can’t figure out what kind of future they want, there are plenty of people who are ready to determine what kind of future they’ll get.
They’ll get a decorated cage.
They’ll get a Fleshlight®, a laptop, a gaming console, a cubicle and a prescription drip.
They’ll get some exciting new gadgets.
They’ll get something that feels a little bit like being a man.
Women will continue to mock them, and they’ll deserve it.”

- Jack Donovan, The Way of Men

Fun title, huh? My recent foray into exploring gender roles has led to some interesting places. None has been more interesting that attempting to answer the question of "why do feminists hate masculinity?" along with the logical follow-up of "Why are feminists trying to kill masculinity?

For a long time, I've held the belief that our modern world driven by feminism isn't so much a linear progression from oppressive misogyny to gender-equal androgyny, but rather part of a natural cycle of peaceful civilization and chaotic anarchy that has ebbed and flowed throughout our history. The more "civilized" we become, the less need there is for masculinity to protect the tribe. In times of war, famine, drought, disease, natural disasters, or any other condition that threatens the tribe's safety or access to required resources, men were expected to sacrifice their lives for the tribe. When men talk about “manning up” or “taking responsibility”, they're really saying “be willing to die to protect the tribe.”



Since masculinity, at it's heart (and contrary to what modern society says), is about violence and aggression, it's dangerous to civilization in times of peace and prosperity. When masculinity is no longer needed, it fades as the dominant gender role and is replaced by a blurring of gender roles into a feminine-directed androgyny. Given we live in the most resource-rich era in the history of humanity, this is precisely what is happening today. With women passing men in education and the professional world, women don't even need men to provide today.

It's important to accept that this “destruction” of masculinity isn't done for nefarious reasons. It's not a secretive conspiracy orchestrated by a committee of man-hating women in a deep underground bunker under the Macy's headquarters. The move to extinguish masculinity is the exact same mechanism women will use when they attempt to “tame” a bad boy. The goal is to eliminate the bad characteristics that cause the bad boy to be a shitty partner and co-parent and reinforce that behaviors that lead to successful relationships (and family units.) Our species requires this process to happen to survive from generation to generation.

It's futile to try to exert that masculinity in the absence of a real threat, which presents a problem for the modern male. We probably don't have to force the issue, though. If we accept the Strauss-Howe generational theory, we've recently passed the peak in feminine-directed androgyny and and slowly advancing to males and females embracing gender roles to a greater degree than we have since the 1950's. The last few generations of women (and many men) placed the blame for female oppression squarely on masculinity.

Top of wave = focus on feminine imperative
Bottom of wave = focus on masculine imperative


That attribution has resulted in an aggressive vilification of all things “manly”, including drugging boys with ADHD stimulants, imprisoning a ridiculously high ratio of males, eliminating male-only spaces, presenting males as bumbling, incompetent idiots in popular media, and so on. The last few generations haven't been too good at understanding social dynamics or the fundamentals of human behavior. The millenials could be our level-headed saviors. They've fully embraced the concept of gender equality and also realized they can explore masculine and feminine gender roles without endangering that equality.

It's probably a moot point, though. I would contend masculinity also doesn't need “rescuing” because it's hard-wired in almost every male in the world. When the shit hits the fan, most males have little or no problem protecting their loved ones or doing what is necessary to secure necessary resources. If we were to experience a natural disaster, financial meltdown, or other such threat to our peace and security, masculinity will be there. It might be a little rusty, but we adapt quickly.

Because of these two dynamics, I resoundingly reject a few of the more common “solutions” people propose. Some want to keep doing what we're doing by forcing androgyny and eliminating masculinity as if it were an infectious disease. This is what the majority of us do today, which has resulted in my previous posts about the plight of the modern beta male. This will never work for one simple reason – women are really aroused by masculine behaviors. No matter how much we try to “metrosexual-up” men, the manly men will continue to attract the most (and best) women.

Others want to return to the “good 'ole days”, most commonly the 1950's. First, that's not possible because we have a radically-different society today, and rolling back the clock would mean we give up many of the social freedoms we've achieved. For men in particular, this means abandoning a lot of the freedom of self-determination we've earned. I'm pretty much a stay-at-home dad. I love that I have that option and it's more or less accepted by society. While I don't necessarily need society's approval, there are plenty of men out there that thoroughly enjoy the freedom from masculinity but would not be able to do so if they were socially rejected.

Finally, some people want to force masculinity into our modern world. Since masculinity peaks with chaos and danger, this route basically champions the “Fight Club” approach of destroying our modern world to return to conditions where masculinity is not only celebrated but required. While this approach seems appealing, I do not want to sacrifice our modern world. I like social media too much.

So what do men do in the meantime while we wait for the ebb and flow to return masculinity to equal status with femininity?

We prepare.

Men still have the drive to seek out risk and adventure. At some point, for some of us, TV, video games, and cheering for our favorite hockey team just doesn't provide enough stimulation. Ultrarunning gave me a taste of that and mma fighting clinched it. We have a deep, instinctual need to express our masculinity. I've learned very few if any women really understand (or even try to understand) this deep, primal drive. The more we express it in authentic experiences, the more alive we feel. Stepping into that cage was an experience like no other. If you've ever experienced a flow state while doing something you love, imagine that paired with having kinky monkey sex with an enthusiastic Kate Upton after doing a few lines of coke while listening to Rage Against the Machine live. It was that amazing. It was the actualization of that masculinity that had been locked away for my entire life.

The problem - society really does not want us to express or indulge in those pursuits. However, that's kind of the great thing about masculinity... we don't need permission. We don't need to appease gatekeepers by watering down our experiences. We DO, however, have to understand that masculinity is repressed in times of peace and prosperity because it's inherently dangerous. Masculinity, in it's raw form, is all about creating groups of “us” (the tribe) and “them” (everyone that's not part of the tribe.) Before a man can protect, he has to define the enemy.

This in-group/ out-group bias is a fundamental element of the “ism” concepts (like racism.) This tends to destabilize “civilized” society because anyone unknown becomes an enemy (think conservative Christians hatin' on gays) to be protected against. In our modern world, this is even more problematic because we have so many multinational corporations with a global capitalist agenda. In-fighting between groups means people are not buying consumer goods, which means less profits. In other words, corporations like GM, Monsanto, Microsoft, Walmart, BP, Samsung, and Apple have a vested interest in peace, and masculinity can be a threat to that peace.

So how do we overcome these issues?

The secret that I figured out, which is confirmed by observing adoring ladies fawning over alpha males, is that as much as society puts up a facade of hating masculinity, society secretly *loves* masculinity. No matter how civilized we become, there's always that scary unknown lurking at the periphery of our cushy lives. Society NEEDS men more than men need society, and the power in every relationship resides in the person that needs the other the least. Once we really internalize that belief, we break free of society's attempts to shackle our masculinity. Society can tell us masculinity is bad, outdated, or a tool of female oppression, but society's actions speak louder than society's words.

We may not need society's permission to indulge our masculine side, but we do have to either follow society's rules or fly under society's radar. With that in mind, we have to figure out exactly what behaviors we're missing and would like to reintroduce into our lives. We also have to figure out what masculine values or beliefs (like a code of honor, rites of passage from boyhood to manhood, the development of male-only places, etc.) we'll adopt. For example, being driven to be the best version of yourself you can possibly be is an excellent masculine trait that's entirely applicable to our modern society. Getting pissed and killing a random dude because he didn't use his turn signal... not so adaptive today.

Once we figure out what we want to believe and do, we need to make an actionable plan. This is what I've been working on doing for the last few weeks. Part of this involves getting an accurate "lay of the land" by understanding what really motivates women. As of right now, I'm still researching and holding discussions in the San Diego Man Camp Facebook group (join if interested.) I have a great deal of hope for this group, mostly because I've managed to identify many of the variables that our society loves and hates about masculinity, tagged the major gatekeepers that will ruthlessly attack any expression of masculine traits, and found enough like-minded men that are sick and tired of feeling completely lost. As it turns out, most men do not like their role in life and desperately want to find a way to free that buried masculinity. On a primal, instinctual level, we know this is what we're missing in our lives. We just need a road map. I'm making that road map.

It seems appropriate to end with another Jack Donovan quote:

“Men cannot be men—much less good or heroic men—unless their actions have meaningful consequences to people they truly care about. Strength requires an opposing force, courage requires risk, mastery requires hard work, honor requires accountability to other men. Without these things, we are little more than boys playing at being men, and there is no weekend retreat or mantra or half-assed rite of passage that can change that. A rite of passage must reflect a real change in status and responsibility for it to be anything more than theater. No reimagined manhood of convenience can hold its head high so long as the earth remains the tomb of our ancestors”
- Jack Donovan, The Way of Men

Friday, April 17, 2015

Hacking Ovulation: Make Aunt Flow Your Ally, Men




Pretty much every dude is familiar with the female menstural cycle. Most men know women have periods about once every month or so. That's about as far as most of us get in understanding female fertility. That's too bad, because learning to hack your wife or girlfriend's (or random women you're trying to pick up) menstrual cycle can dramatically improve your relationship. Before we get to that...


Very Brief Explanation of Ovulation


For our purposes, all you really need to know about ovulation is the timing. Women ovulate (when an unfertilized egg is released from one of her ovaries) about fourteen days before they begin their period. If a woman has sex a few days before to a few days after ovulation, she can get pregnant. The actual window when the egg is viable is actually less than a day, but sperm can be viable inside a woman for days. If you want a much more detailed explanation, check this out

Charting Ovulation



So how do you know when a woman is ovulating? I recommend doing this in secret, though open-minded women would probably be on board with this project. Anyway, here are a few methods:
  • Use a calendar. Start marking the first day of her period on a calendar. After a few months, add up the days between each mark and average them. This is the average length of her menstrual cycle. Once you have an average, calculate when her next period will start. She will ovulate about 14 days before that future date. This is the easiest method. If she has a regular cycle, use this method.
  • Basal body temperature. When a woman ovulates, her body temperature increases about a half of a degree. Couples that are having trouble conceiving routinely chart the woman's body temperate to maximize the return on sex. To use this method, I recommend buying an infrared no-touch thermometer, then take her temperature on the same body part at the same time every morning. If you want to ramp up the creepy factor, do this while she's sleeping. Chart this temperature. I recommend using the same calendar from above; the data can be used to increase the reliability of the estimate.
  • Cervical mucus. A woman's cervix generates mucus that changes based on how close she is to ovulation. I highly doubt you have to go to this length, but it's useful nonetheless. About a week after her period, her cervix will start producing a thick white mucus. As ovulation nears, the mucus becomes clear and a little sticky... sort of like egg whites. That change in color and consistency is a relaibale indicator of ovulation.
  • Watch her behaviors. Women that are ovulating tend to exhibit observable behaviors which are motivated by hormones. The purpose of the behaviors are to attract sex because, well, that's kinda the point of ovulation. When women are fertile, they generally act more feminine. This inclused more revealing clothing (interestingly, this appears to allow them to out-compete other women, not necessarily attract men), walking with more of a sexy sway, talks with a slightly higher voice, exhibits more flirty behaviors, has a greater interest in social activities, and she releases pheromones that release testosterone in men (makes us horny.)
  • Watch your own behaviors. Us men actually have a sophisticated response system to female ovulation, it just occurs unconsciously. If our woman is ovulating, we engage in "mate guarding" behaviors like holding hands, adopting protective body language, staying closer in public, staring down other males, etc. If we're really self-aware, we can usually detect these very subtle urges in ourselves. 

Sociobiology




If you read through my entire "Women, Explained" series, you're familiar with the role of sociobiology in dictating our mating behaviors. If not, here's a brief primer. Women have a dual sexual strategy I describe in the hypergamy post. They want an attractive, dominant alpha male for his sperm contribution (produces healthy kids) and they want a committed, supportive beta male for security and provisioning. Ideally, they find this combo in one guy. That doesn't happen often, though.



Because of that, nature has a funny way of making sure our species survives. When she's fertile, women crave masculine "manly" men (alphas) for their sperm. When she's not, she prefers the company of a beta male to help her and her children survive. Based on the nature of female desire, this sets up a situation where women's sex drive fluctuates with her menstrural cycle. She gets horny (usually on par with what us dudes experience 24/7) around ovulation, especially in the presence of alphas. This is when she's most likely to have advertising sex. The rest of the month she's significantly less aroused and far more likely to have maintenance sex



In our not so distant past (or sometimes even today), this meant women were committing to the best provider they could attract based on their sexual market value, but also having sex with the most attractive male they could attract based on their SMV. If these were different men, she'd likely give birth to the alpha's kid and the beta male would raise it (believing it's his own.)


How to Hack Ovulation to Improve Your Relationship



Okay, so how can this weird feature of ovulation be used to improve your relationship? It's pretty easy - just display strong alpha traits in the days leading up to ovulation, then kick back and beta it up the rest of the time. 



The more convincing you can play the alpha role, the more pronounced her arousal should be. I would recommend starting four or five days before ovulation, be an alpha whenever you're in her presence, and keep it up for about four or five days afterward. 


The Alpha Test



A lot of guys have asked me "how do I know if I'm an alpha or a beta?" There's a fun little test that can tell you exactly where you stand, at least in the eyes of your significant other. If she initiates sex enthusiastically around the time of ovulation, odds are good she sees you as her alpha. If you initiate and she responds enthusiastically, you're still in pretty good standing. However, if she avoids you when she's ovulating, you're in trouble. It means a) she does not see you as her alpha and is not sexually aroused by you (meaning you probably need to change), and b) odds are good she'll be prone to being seduced (or seducing herself) other alpha males. If she's dressing in that slinky dress with matching bra and panties for the "girls' night out dancing", that's a really, really bad sign.


The Pill



Birth control pills deserve special mention here. If your woman is on the pill, this entire post is probably invalid. We don't fully understand this effect yet, but women on the pill do not always follow this same set of rules because women typically do not ovulate. The pill, regardless of the brand and composition, more or less mimics pregnancy. In the absence of hormones that cause her to crave alphas when ovulating, women probably prefer betas all the time. 



This could explain the rise of the beta male since the development of oral contraceptives. Us men are nothing if not efficient. The sexual marketplace, post-oral contraceptives, demands more betas. We adjust our behaviors to make up for this demand by becoming more beta.



Of course, the problem with this is women are not really aroused by betas and that tends to deep-six relationships after a few years. I like flirting with this hypothesis because we typically blame the explosion of betas on our society on all kinds of social factors from feminism to capitalism. The fact that a tiny pill could throw our entire mating strategy off kilter amuses me. 

Conclusion


Understanding and hacking female ovulation is a very simple method to ramp up the passion in your relationship. In fact, mastering this technique is probably the easiest way to alternate between passion and intimacy. Ovulation can also be used to assess your own "alphaness." Finally, the development of oral contraceptives may have been at least partly responsible for our current "excess beta male" problem.

What do you think? If you're a dude, would you use this methodology? If you're female, what do you think? Do you notice this effect, or is it like "mate guarding" and occur unconsciously? Leave a comment!

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Thursday, April 16, 2015

Beta Males, Explained: Part Three - The Societal Impact of the Invasive Species We Call the Beta Male

In the first section of this series, I covered my operational definitions of alpha and beta males. In the second part of the series, I covered the antecedents of the beta male personality type and discussed the typical life path for beta males. In this section, I discuss a few of the societal impacts that have been caused by the proliferation of the beta male. We'll begin to see the beta male is a surprisingly disruptive force that basically acts like an invasive species encroaching on an ecosystem - it kills some things and causes others to grow unchecked. 

How Betas Ruin Society


One of my favorite pass times involves contemplating the societal effects of various movements, ideas, or constructs. The rise of the beta male is no exception. Back in the day, most men were alphas. Women were sexually attracted to these men. The women would choose the highest value male their own value could attract. They would then spend the rest of their lives "fighting" a perpetual battle. He would exert his alpha-ness (supplied passion to the relationship); she would attempt to tame that alpha-ness (supplied intimacy to the relationship.) The net effect was a natural cycling of passion and intimacy, which kept the couple happy indefinitely. The system wasn't infallible, but it did work more than it didn't.  

Today, there are far fewer alpha males. Some women, usually the highest-value women (young, attractive, smart, funny, etc.), can attract these men which are then "tamed" just like grandma and grandpa's relationship. The rest of the women have to settle for some version of a beta. Because betas cannot keep women interested beyond about a year or so, all sorts of weird societal trends emerge. I'm going to avoid attaching a moral judgement to any of these, but some do create positive outcomes while others create negative outcomes.

Gave rise to serial monogamy. Serial monogamy, where we move from one monogamous relationship to the next, developed because beta males are incapable of injecting passion into a relationship. That causes the quality and quantity of sex to decrease substantially after the first year or two, which ultimately undermines the relationship. So we end it. Then we look for another. This cycle repeats itself about every six to eight years. 

Screw career women by giving false hope about the marketplace. For decades, we've been telling women they can "have it all", which means they can go to college and start a career and delay getting married and starting a family. In many cases, we encourage women to wait as late as their late-30's before they settle down. We DON'T tell women that the market for "high-value" men dries up pretty quickly. Any alpha on the market is going to receive A LOT of female attention, and those males are going to choose the highest value female available... which is going to be somewhere around the age of 23-25. All that's left for the remaining women are younger beta males still looking for their soul mate or older beta males that have recently divorced.

The "you can have it all" fantasy...


These males, because they believe women love to be placed on a pedestal, will usually use a shotgun approach where they shower several women with attention and attempt to prove their willingness to defer to them in hopes one will bite. This is most commonly seen when women post a selfie on social media and scores of dudes comment on "how pretty she looks." The woman, who may be relatively low-value, develops an inflated sense of her own worth. Her inflated value causes her to believe she can land a high value male. So she hits the dating scene and quickly learns all those males that were giving her attention are actually spineless, vagina-drying betas. In the unlikely event she manages to land an alpha for a one-night stand, he has no intention of committing because he has better options. She's forced to either settle for a beta (who she'll end up divorcing in a few years anyway) or continue playing the dating game in a market that gets worse and worse with each passing year. She's a victim of supply and demand. Specifically, she's a victim of a market saturated by beta males that compulsively boosted her self-confidence which gave her an unrealistic perception of the sexual marketplace.

The "you can have it all" reality.


It's harder to tame today's alphas. The more males choose to play the beta role, the more valuable alpha males become. When women say "where have all the good men gone?", they're not talking about betas (as beta males would like to believe.) They're talking about alphas. Because alpha value is inflated, the competition for their affection is stiff. If a woman manages to land an alpha, he has to work harder to keep him interested. He will receive a lot of female attention, so she has to continually prove her worth to him. This instability is just like the instability that kept grandma and grandpa together, only it's even more powerful. If you see one of these couples today, you'll know it. They ooze happiness and contentment. It's such a contrast from every other couple with the frumpy, naggy wife and the fat, pussy-whipped husband, you can't help but to notice. The alpha is the envy of many women, especially those that begin to realize they've dramatically overestimated to market of available alpha males. The woman in this relationship is the envy of every beta male because, quite frankly, she maintains that sexiness she had at the very beginning of the relationship. In these couples, the honeymoon slowed down but never really died.

Anyway, that alpha is harder to tame because alphas realize they're unicorns. They know they're sharks swimming in an ocean of beta seals. They're not restrained by common beta thought processes like "she's out of my league" or "I'd never have a chance with her." To the alpha, every woman is in his league regardless of age, attractiveness, or relationship status. The only women that are really unobtainable are those in relationships with fellow alphas. Those women have maximized hypergamy and, unless their alpha is a low-value alpha, realized they're far better off than the women left fighting over betas. The women that land an alpha keep them with the best tool in their toolbox: A steady diet of advertising sex

Increases teen and out-of-wedlock pregnancies. The increase in beta males has had a weird effect on what could best be described as "hookup culture." There are basically a small number of alpha men that spend their high school, college, and 20's getting all the women they can handle. Because they're competing with beta men, it's easy pickings. This also means alphas are less likely to commit to long-term relationships and marriage due to the allure of novel pussy. These were the men that women used to "land" in their late teens to early 20's. Women could land beta males at this stage, but since their own value is high, they're not going to commit to a low value male. Since women are told they can have it all, they're not about to cash out with a beta when they believe they can land an alpha right after they take care of college and career-building. 

This trend results in a lot of hookups between alphas and younger women. That results in the occasional accidental pregnancy, or the occasional "accidental" pregnancy intended to entrap an alpha in the hopes of taming him (which is why you use condoms, boys.) Either way, babies are being conceived outside of a committed relationship. Some couples may stay together; many do not. The net result is a lot of single mothers and broken homes.

Increases divorce rate, single motherhood, welfare, etc. This is sort of tied to the last point, but expands a little bit. Because beta males cannot maintain successful relationships beyond a few years, we see significant increases in divorces. This results in a lot of household incomes being split in half forcing the entire family closer to poverty, which increases the burden on social services. 

Makes us fat. There's a curiously predictable trend I've noticed. Most single people keep themselves in pretty good shape. That makes sense; fitness is attractive to both sexes. I've also noticed couples where the male is an alpha tend to stay in pretty good shape. That makes sense; part of that passion and intimacy ebb and flow is due to both people having to continually "qualify" for each other (prove they're better than other options out there.) I've also noticed relationships where the male is a beta tend to let themselves go. A lot. Both people will start the relationship relatively fit. They go through the honeymoon period as-is. Once that ends, they both start gaining weight, paying less attention to grooming, dress worse, and generally just become messes. This makes logical sense because the woman isn't being sexually aroused by her beta male mate and not initiating sex, so the male eventually gives in to the laziness of becoming a couch potato. Because his value is sinking, she doesn't have to worry about other women stealing him away, thus all sex is maintenance sex. She's doing it out of duty, not genuine desire. She lets herself go because she doesn't have to stay fit to hold his attention. This effect is reinforced because, due to his beta-ness, he continues to shower her with positive attention. He's inadvertently reinforcing her downward-trending attractiveness.



This trend always continues until a breaking point which occurs when one or both people mentally and emotionally throw in the towel. One of the clearest signs a relationship is about to end is when one member (more often the woman) suddenly hits the gym and starts working on themselves. They've realized they've let themselves go and are prepping to hit the market.

Helps our economy. Part of the beta male belief system is that a woman's affection can be bought. It's the "if I buy her flowers, dinner, a movie, a diamond tennis bracelet, this card from Hallmark, this giant stuffed teddy bear, and this raspberry Slushie, she'll give me sex. Yes, that's a supreme irony of the beta male "I'm doing this for social justice" mindset - they're attempting to prove a woman is their equal by essentially treating her like a prostitute. 

It doesn't work.

Female desire, under no circumstance, can be bought. Or negotiated. This doesn't stop the beta male from trying, however. Betas will spend a ridiculous amount of cash on a woman in an attempt to prove his worthiness. In essence, he's appealing to the provisioning and security side of her innate hypergamy. The beta male will usually combine this with the aforementioned "pedestal" behaviors. The net result is a boost to capitalism.

Female "type" fetishes increase. Beta men chronically underestimate their value on the sexual market, even for their low-value beta status. A guy that might be a "7" if he were an alpha may be a "5" as a beta, but he has so little confidence in himself he considers himself to be a "3." Worse, he's going to overvalue every woman he meets (which is a natural function of placing women on pedestals.) A woman that may have been a "3" herself will be rated as a "6" to him. The result is beta males never approach women they deem "out of their league", even in cases where the guy is clearly higher value than the woman. The beta that's actually a "5" (and could be a "7" if he dropped the beta act) would be intimidated by a woman he believes is a "6" that's really a "3." 

This has all sorts of weird effects, including beta men creating fetishes for low-value women. The best example of this would be "MILFs" (Moms I'd Like to Fuck), which are also known as "cougars." Other examples could include BBWs, amputees, grannies, etc. All of these groups are becoming more popular because beta males believe these are the women that are "in their league." As such, they become the object of their fantasies.

"I haven't cum this hard since D-Day!"


The porn industry explodes. Beta males aren't eunuchs. They have just as much (or almost as much) testosterone flowing through their veins as their alpha brethren. The difference? Alphas are satisfying their needs with women. Betas are using their hand. Or a Fleshlight. The result is a shit-ton of Internet sites and bandwidth dedicated to porn. The adult entertainment industry has become one of the most powerful commercial powerhouses in our modern world thanks almost entirely to beta males' inability to score. Aside from that brief sliver of time during the honeymoon phase of their relationships when they're getting as much ass as their alpha male cohorts, beta males IN relationships watch porn and masturbate as much as beta males NOT in relationships. 

Gave rise to polyamory and the "hot wife" phenomenon. Polyamory is a type of consensual nonmonogamy where the members of a relationship are free to enter intimate relationships with other people. Polyamory was one of the types of social sexuality I discussed in No Bone Zone. "Hotwifing" is a form of consensual nonmonogamy where only the wife has sex with other men. Either way, both have experienced a substantial increase in popularity over the last few decades partly because of the proliferation of beta males. The fundamental problem with beta male-based relationships is the inability of the male to sexually arouse his partner. Polyamory circumvents this problem in two ways - it adds sexual novelty to the mix (two beta males can be played off each other to sort of create the same desire as one alpha) and it adds more potential provisioning to satisfy the security aspect to a woman's hypergamy drive. Adding additional women also gives the beta male novelty, which can be used to sort of create a honeymoon period that lasts longer than regular pair-bonding. 

Hotwifing solves the beta male problem in another way - it allows a woman to indulge in hot sex with alphas while still keeping her beta man for security and provisioning. This has a net effect of keeping her satisfied and allowing him to get some post "I just fucked an alpha" exciting sex. 

Women become the voice of what men want. Back in the day, men displayed the characteristics they knew turned women on, and women displayed characteristics they knew turned men on. At some point, however, we fell into a pattern where the beta male started asking women what they wanted. Women, not always conscious of the dual nature of their hypergamy, responded that women wanted nice, respectful men. The beta males took that to the extreme and started embracing weakness, vulnerability, and passivity as the traits "women really want." 

That shift has caused women to begin defining what men want in a woman, and that hasn't gone well. No other area has been affected quite like body image. Specifically, women have come to believe that men prefer a far thinner "ideal" than they really do, which has led to an explosion of eating disorders. Women believe men prefer thin women, so they strive to reach that ideal. Men generally do find thinner women more attractive than heavier women, but there's a very definite point of diminishing returns. Far too many women go wayyyy past that point.

"Every male in history is repulsed by me, yet I blame men for
my unrealistic perception of what men want."


Another example is slut-shaming. Generally speaking, men love women that love sex. In other words, men love sluts. Women, however, do not. Back in the day, women would call a woman a slut in an attempt to disqualify a woman as a potential mate ("you don't want to date her, she's a slut. She'll cheat on you the first chance she gets.") That held considerable weight before serial monogamy and consensual nonmonogamy became more popular. Now the only dudes that really care about female purity are the betas looking for that special soul mate. Even then, they'll gladly overlook a party-girl past if they're sufficiently convinced the woman will appreciate his willingness to sacrifice his dignity and self-respect for her love. 

The quality of men decreases substantially. Back in the day, men were ambitious. They had goals, and they worked their asses off to reach those goals. They were focused on becoming the best man they could be. They knew that determination toward something better was irresistible to women, so that's how they attracted a mate. That mate became an accessory to their life.

Today, almost all men make women the focus of their lives, not an external goal. The result: Guys don't accomplish nearly as much. They're not driven to succeed in business, conquer nations, invent the next revolutionary hair-removal system, or even plug away at a blue-collar job until retirement. The focus on supporting women in an attempt to gain their affection (aka "pussy") could be successful, but beta males have no idea what actually turns women on. 

The net result is a growing pool of men that really don't have a lot to offer. we don't do as well in school as we used to, we don't graduate college as often as we used to, we don't make as much money as we used to, etc. When women say "where have all the good men gone?", that's not just because they've overestimated their value on the open market - men actually are decreasing in quality.

Male fraternal organizations disappeared. We used to have quite a few male-only places where men could go to interact with other men. They could discuss their careers, family life, and relationship issues without female interference. Over time, more and more beta males, under the guise of "gender equality", started allowing women into these places. Only it wasn't about gender equality. It was a misguided attempt to get laid. Men allow women into men-only places because they believe women will appreciate the gesture and repay with sex. Also, it gives beta men another opportunity to try to unlock the supposed secrets to turning a woman on. 

This disappearance of male fraternal organizations (aka "man spaces") further exasperated the beta male problem because it eliminated the only real opportunity for men to discuss what actually DOES turn women on. 

Creates pickup artist culture. There have always been men that were "players." Their only interest was hooking up with as many women as possible. These were the untamable alpha males of yesteryear. It was a tough gig, though. They had to prey on younger unattached women, unhappily married women that couldn't land an alpha (yes, betas have always been around), or women that were divorcees or widows (significant during times of war.) 

Oh, how times have changed. First, there are A LOT more unattached younger women given the average age of marriage has increased from around 19 to the late 20's. Second, there are a lot less alpha competitors. Third, there are a lot more women in unhappy marriages to beta males. Fourth, there are a lot more divorced women. Finally, there are a lot more women in their 30's that are getting increasingly more desperate because they failed to land an alpha back when they were at their peak value. 

All of these dynamics lead to a pickup artist's wet dream. A marginally attractive guy with even a minimal amount of confidence and decent style, with very little effort, can easily get all the pussy he can handle. It's like a 'roided-up Barry Bonds hitting homers off a 12 year old on a Little League field. There's an ample supply of young, fun, sexually-adventurous college-age girls looking for random hookups. There's an ample supply of independent, intelligent, sexy young professional women looking for not-so-serious physical relationships. There's an ample supply of unhappily married desperate-to-please MILFs looking for some discreet no strings attached flings. There's an ample supply of recently-divorced gym rat women desperate to relive their party girl years. And that's just the under-40 pool. 

It's no surprise pickup artistry is becoming more and more popular. Sadly for the beta male, his outrage and disgust over the actions of the pickup artist prevents him from seeing the unfortunate truth - the pickup artist "gets" women a thousand times more than he will ever hope. 

Conclusion


The proliferation of the beta male has and continues to radically change our society. For women, this means the pool of quality men is forever shrinking which forces women to settle far more than they would have in the past. That "settling" for a beta almost always results in a relationship that erodes into a nearly-sexless "roommate" situation that eventually ends in divorce. For men, this means we have the choice to be a replaceable, mostly insignificant bit player in the lives of women resulting in a bitter, resentful, lonely end OR embrace our alphaness and either bury ourselves in readily-available and enthusiastic vagina or settle in a mutually-fulfilling long-term relationship where we can leverage our alphaness to keep the passion alive indefinitely. 

Me? I choose the latter option. And for any men that choose the same - check out the beginning stages of my San Diego Man Camp project.

Part One, Part Two


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Beta Males, Explained: Part Two - The Life Cycle of a Beta Male

In the first section of this series, I explained what I consider to be "alpha males" and "beta males." In this section, I'll discuss why beta males become beta males (what's their real motivation), and I'll follow a typical beta male timeline as they advance through life.

Understanding Beta Males

Beta males are almost always defined by one very specific trait - they sincerely believe women are aroused by vulnerable, weak men. Furthermore, the beta male believes there is one special woman out there for him. Once he finds her, their love will create a mystical, magical union that can and will overcome anything and everything. They can finally relax from tirelessly searching for their soul mate and smell the roses. They'll grow old together and he'll read stories of their courtship from a tattered old notebook while she slowly slips into the abyss of dementia. 

Or some shit like that.

This is almost always the root of beta male behavior - placing women on a pedestal. In the past, betas were just a small subsection of shy males that experienced anxiety in the presence of women. Today, I would hypothesize the majority of American males fit the beta profile. The personality type has become so prevalent because men are basically taught that women prefer this type of man, which is then reinforced by parents, friends, school, news media, magazines, TV, movies, and, of course, women. 

That belief is powerful for males because, deep down, most of us love the idea that there's one special someone out there that represents our perfect match. A guy doesn't have to work to impress women; he can just be himself. The right girl will find him. Once we meet, we'll complete each other. Most importantly, men can finally stop performing to earn the love of a woman. They've been doing the hard work their whole lives, now they get to enjoy the fruits of their labor.



Or so they believe. 

Betas go through their early lives in silent desperation. They usually internalize their "women love vulnerable men" sexual strategy around the time they hit puberty. They're led to believe women require comfort, respect, and time to get to the point where they may be interested in sex (and a relationship... but sex is the primary concern.) As such, they study women. They learn their habits. They learn their mannerisms. They attempt to learn how women think. This is why beta males feel more comfortable around women... they believe women want men that can assume feminine traits. Also, they tend to see other guys as prehistoric Luddites that haven't "evolved" into special, sensitive modern men.

That last belief is part of the reason the beta mindset is so resilient to extinction - Beta males believe their deferring to females is a morally-superior position. In a post-Feminism world, the beta male is the champion of social justice. He's not only willing to stick up for women, he's willing to sacrifice his goals, dreams, aspirations, self-respect, and even his sense of self for the feminine cause.

Sounds chivalrous, huh?

Not quite.

For all the talk of righting the wrongs of our patriarchal society, a beta male adopts his strategy for one reason: Pussy. In all likelihood, he's surrounded himself with continual messages telling him that the beta persona is the only way to win over the woman of his dreams, so he stubbornly sticks with it. Part of the reason he sticks with it is because he can hide the selfish motivations behind that shield of social justice. The beta male can point to the alpha males and say "See? I'm not like those misogynistic assholes. I support women and women's rights. I feel your pain as an oppressed minority. I feel your pain of powerlessness. Now if you wouldn't mind, do you think we could have a conversation about removing these panties? If it's okay with you, of course."

The Life Experiences of the Beta Male


Because beta males intentionally isolate themselves away from other males, they're much more in tune with female behaviors. This allows the beta male to adopt behaviors and mannerisms of women in an attempt to arouse them. More significantly, it prevents the beta male from really observing other males. If they did spend more time around males, they'd realize most males are attempting to play the exact same game they are. They're not the special snowflake they presume they are; they're just another beta guppy in an ocean of betas... which helps explain their behaviors. Here are a few common scenarios beta males commonly find themselves in:

The teen beta male that keeps getting friend-zoned by his secret crushes. The beta male thinks he's found his Cinderella by watching her from afar. He'll likely befriend her in an attempt to build rapport because he believes that comfort is what turns her on. As such, he's petrified to make a move even if she really wants him to. He just doesn't recognize her signals. Eventually she gives up and turns her attention to more assertive alpha males while friendzoning the beta. He begrudgingly accepts the role as her emotional tampon and patiently waits for the "clearly inferior alpha" to fuck things up so he can have another crack at his dream girl. Which never happens. The cycle repeats a few times until eventually the beta concludes the woman of his dreams is actually a shallow, vapid, low-value slut. After all, why else would she keep going for these jackass alphas? The beta male doesn't even consider the possibility that all women are turned on by alphas because he is too emotionally-invested in his "women love vulnerable men" worldview. 

The 20-something beta male that can't seem to land the hot chicks. This beta may be in college, recently graduated, or in the beginning of a promising career. This beta has probably had at least one relationship with a girl he thought was "the one", only to have her turn out to be a different person than she was in the beginning. Now he's trying to play the field, but doesn't have a  lot of success. He goes to the bars and clubs, he spends a lot of time on the periphery of the room holding his drink chest-high rhythmically moving to the music, checking out the girls. Yet he's rarely if ever approached. The only women that seem to show interest are either too overweight, too old, or come off as way too desperate. Still, he gets just enough action to keep himself from going insane. His dream girls are still falling for the asshole alphas, though, and this infuriates the 20-something beta. He briefly considers the possibility that his worldview may be wrong, but quickly dismisses the idea.



The late-20's to early 30's beta male that finally lands his soul mate. All that hard work and patience finally pays off for the beta when he lands a "good girl." She likely came out of nowhere, made the first move, and is significantly more attractive and sweeter than the girls he's used to "dating." Best of all, the sex is far better than anything he's had up to this point, which confirms what he knew all along - women love a weak, vulnerable male. It just took a special woman to finally appreciate that sacrifice he's been making since he hit puberty. He falls head-over-heels in love with her. He eagerly marries her and rides the wave of fantastic sex for months or even a year or two. Eventually she gets pregnant and gives birth. The frequency and quality of sex drop off almost overnight, but the beta male rolls with it because little kids are difficult. Besides, it's only a matter of time before his indecisiveness and passivity make him irresistible once again. 

Late 30's beta male that's trapped in a life of silent desperation. After about four or five years of marriage, the beta male has fallen into a predictable pattern of spending every waking moment of every day trying to figure out the magical combination that will unlock the kinky, sexually-adventurous wife that's buried beneath the naggy, overweight harpy of a "wife" that constantly reminds him of his incompetence. Even though he's a skilled lover (the benefit of obsessing about pleasing women), he can sense she's just not into it. She never initiates, she never touches him in an intimate way, she's grossed out by anything and everything related to sex, and she even bristles when he tries to kiss her. He's desperate for female attention and, like the women from his earlier relationships, he begins wondering if he's made a grave mistake. This woman might not be "the one." At this point, he's probably considering having an affair or initiating a divorce, but can't quite bring himself to do it. Because he's still clinging to his flawed worldview, the beta male never considers the possibility that his now apparently asexual wife does indeed have intense sexual longing... just not for him. The straw that breaks this camel's back can come in many forms. One or both partners might get caught cheating. One or both may decide to end the relationship. Or, sometimes, the beta male discovers things from his "good girl" wife's past. Specifically, he may find out details of her wild sexual exploits before him and he realizes she doesn't, and never did, give him her best sexually. In fact, this is the period where all sorts of epiphanies strike, including the fact that the beta male's wife hasn't loved him for a very long time. The most common phrase men utter in this stage is "I cannot believe she could do that" where "that" is usually the pool boy or his boss. Or served him with divorce papers. It's probably tough knowing she's getting the house while he's getting this:



Post-40's beta male. With any luck, by the time beta males cross the forty threshold, they've experienced enough real live to realize their "women love betas" worldview is not only wrong, but a worldview that actually repels women. Hopefully he now realizes his wife, which he may or may not be with, chose him because he was the best provider she could get to commit, not because he was the hottest, sexiest man she had ever met. This realization is what usually brings on what we like to call a "midlife crisis" where men buy a sports car, abandon their families, and start dating 20-something hot girls. It's worth noting, however, that this isn't a "crisis" at all. It's a realization that the beta male has been living in a Hell disguised as a fantasy world. Once he realizes women hate betas, it's easy enough to adopt alpha traits which, given his maturity and degree of career success, makes him a high value male. THAT is the reason he can and does date younger women. And that sports car? He's probably spent his entire life suppressing his own needs and wants for the women in his life. For the first time, he's doing something for himself. God damn it, he deserves that convertible Mustang.

But what if post-40's beta male doesn't experience this epiphany? That's where things start to get very, very sad. If the beta male, by some miracle, manages to keep his relationship together "for the kids", both him and his wife will go through the motions of a relationship year after year after year as their kids age. When the last of the kids leave the house, the two decades of misery almost always kill the relationship. Both partners would rather brave the singles market in their 50's than spend their twilight years together. In all likelihood, the beta male will marry once again and the cycle will repeat. If he's lucky, he'll kick the bucket during the first year or so of a new relationship while everything is new and happy. In all probability, he'll instead die alone or worse, he'll die in a relationship that's already tanked after the honeymoon period. Throughout his entire life, the beta male had  one fear - that's he'd die alone. Because he never learned the fundamental lesson of what women really want, his greatest fear is actualized.

Conclusion


In this section, I covered why beta males become beta males and how that personality type goes through life. In the next section, I'll cover some of the societal impacts we've seen as a result of an ever-growing beta male population. We'll begin to see that beta males are sort of like an invasive species that upsets an entire ecosystem. It'll be fun.

Part One, Part Three


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