Thursday, August 22, 2013

Is My Partner Kinky? A Method to Assess Your Sexual Partner's Willingness to Engage in Sexual Activites

Here's the situation- you want to try something in the bedroom, but you're not sure if your partner will be up for it. In a perfect world, you could simply ask them. Unfortunately, relationships rarely follow the "perfect world" ideal. We worry about our significant other's reaction. 

Will they be upset? Will they feel threatened? Hurt? Embarrassed? Will they think we're sick perverts? Will they be so offended they decide to leave us?

All are legitimate fears. 

Since it's unlikely all of us will go through the steps to assure we have a perfect relationship where we feel absolutely safe to express ourselves openly and honestly, there are "shortcuts."

When it comes to kinky sexual activities and determining our partner's willingness to partake, one great tool is what's known in psychology circles as a consensus scale. It works like this:

  1. You're given a list of items (in this case, sexual activities.)
  2. You rank each one using a five point scale to be discussed in a moment.
  3. You then discuss the answers with your significant other.
The five point scale is designed to assess agreeableness to activities, or how open you are to trying stuff. By rating agreeableness, you can then see how each other feels about any given activity.

In short, you'll know exactly what's on and off the table. 

So the scale: For each activity, there are five possible choices:

  • 5 - I would LOVE this and would jump at the opportunity to do it!
  • 4 - I think I would like this and want to give it a try.
  • 3 - I'm not sure how I feel about this but would like to discuss it.
  • 2 - I'm pretty sure I would dislike this but may be willing to give it a try at least once.
  • 1 - I do not want to do this activity.
For the list of activities, I would recommend making your own. I Googled "list of sexual activities" and found a few very good lists, including this one from, this list from, and this list from If you really want to push their boundary (or make other items on the list seem more "normal") add items from this list

Want an easier option? I'm in the process of compiling a list via Google Docs that's set up for this specific purpose. All you have to do is print out two copies, then each take the inventory. It can be found here:

The list isn't entirely comprehensive, so I could use some help. Look over the list. If there's something I should add, leave a comment on THIS post. It can be general or specific. I'll add it to the list ASAP. 

Have fun with it!


Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Give Me Oral! A Concise Guide to Convincing Your Partner to Perform Cunnilingus or Fellatio

In my ethically-questionable post "How to Convince Your Partner to be More Sexually Adventurous", I gave quite a few "tactics' to reduce inhibitions. A reader commented and asked specifically about methods to convince her boyfriend to perform oral on her. He had tried it in the past and it made him throw up.

This situation isn't at all uncommon. Stereotypically, we usually think of guys trying to convince their ladies to give head... but the problem seems to be evenly spread among genders. There are lots of possible solutions, not all of which may be viable. I'm going to frame the solution for women with significant others that won't give them oral, but the genders can be interchangeable. Let's look at a few:

1. Dump him. If the relationship isn't terribly serious, you don't have much invested, and you really like receiving oral, this is a simple, straight-forward solution. When it comes to performing oral, people seem to fall into one of three categories: 

  • They love it. This group usually finds oral to be incredibly exciting and will perform it whenever possible. They're getting enjoyment out of the process.
  • They will perform if asked, but won't initiate. This group could take it or leave it; it's usually a means to an end. They see it as a chore.
  • They hate it. This group will avoid oral at all costs. In most cases, they're grossed out by the mere thought of it and probably have a strong involuntary physiological reaction (like vomiting.)
If your partner is in the last category and you really love oral, it may be easier to find a dude in the first group.

2. Bargain. If your partner is in the middle group, this can be as easy as a simple negotiation. "I'll cook you your favorite dinner in exchange for a little licky-licky." Or, "I'll spank you with that hair brush if you go down on me." Whatever. You get the point.

This method probably won't work for the last group since they're probably not gong to get over their negative physiological reaction based solely on the promise of a reward.

3. Extort. If your partner refuses to preform oral, you can always withhold sex until they comply. You could also threaten to scratch their Celine Dion CD collection, shave their dog, or send embarrassing photos to their relatives. I definitely DO NOT recommend this method, but it's an option.

4. Find a pinch hitter. There are plenty of dudes out there that fall in that first category. Depending on the nature of your relationship (or your loose morals), you can always find a willing tongue.

5. Use science. Okay, so I'm a psychology geek... but it's incredibly useful in the bedroom. If the boyfriend is willing to try to overcome their negative reaction, this method will work exceedingly well. We're basically going to move them from that last group to the first group using classical conditioning (I wrote about this before in this post.)

Odds are good the boyfriend developed the idea that the vagina is gross at some point in his life. Could have been friends, relatives, movies, just ignorance... whatever. He's likely developed a taste aversion, which is nature's way of keeping our ancestors from eating poisons. It's involuntary and stubborn. 

Our goal is to get him to love vagina. We're going to accomplish this by making the smell and taste highly arousing during multiple sessions over the course of a few days or weeks. The theory is simple- the boyfriend will masturbate. Immediately before orgasm, he'll be exposed to first the taste, then the smell of his girlfriend's vagina (taste isn't as sensitive as smell, so it's a "smaller" step, so to speak.) Repeated exposure will create an association between the taste and smell and the endorphine and dopamine dump that occurs in the brain at the point of orgasm. Here's the process:

Day 1: The couple will work out a "I'm going to cum in five seconds" signal beforehand. Have the dude plug his nose with a nose clip or plug, then masturbate. The girlfriend will insert her finger in her vagina. When he gives the signal, she'll place her finger in front of his mouth and he'll lick it. Do this once in the morning and once at night.

Days 2 and 3: Repeat this process.

Day 4: Use the same process, except remove the nose plug. This will add the smell to the mix. After the six trials from the previous three days, an association should already be forming so the smell should be registered as pleasurable. Even if it's not, the orgasm will trump and residual negative physiological reactions. Do this once in the morning and once at night.

Days 5 and 6: Repeat this process.

Day 7: By now, the boyfriend should have experienced 12 orgasms in the presence of his girlfriend's scent and taste. Over the next few days, the length of time between exposure of smell and taste and orgasm will be stretched out. Also, instead of just having him lick the finger, the girlfriend will place it in his mouth. The "I'm about to cum" signal should be given about 10 seconds before orgasm. Use the same "morning and evening" pattern.

Day 8: Same deal, but give the signal 15 seconds before orgasm.

Day 9: Extend the warning to 20 seconds.

Day 10: Extend the warning to 25 seconds.

Day 11: Extend the warning to 30 seconds.

Day 12: Place the finger in his mouth as soon as he begins masturbating. The girlfriend should touch herself multiple times to reapply the taste and scent.

Day 13: By now, the boyfriend should have developed an exceedingly powerful "fetish" to her scent and taste. Blindfold the boyfriend. Have him lie on his back on the bed. He will begin masturbating. The girlfriend will straddle his face but not actually come in contact with him. She will keep her vagina directly over his nose and mouth about 2 inches away. Remain in this position until he orgasms. Repeat twice.

Day 14: The day of truth. Assume the same position and setup as the previous day. This time, the girlfriend will lower herself onto his mouth about 15 seconds before he orgasms (bust out the warning signal again.) Do this twice throughout the day. 

After two weeks, the taste aversion to vagina will have been converted to a strong vagina fetish. If he's still squeamish about the sight of vagina, he can keep wearing the blindfold for a few days.

Yes, fourteen days IS a long time. Yes, it does take persistence and work. It's an enjoyable process, though. If you have a significant other that doesn't like oral and you happen to love receiving, I bet you wish you read this two weeks ago, huh? I guarantee he'll be going down so hard, James Cameron will want to make a movie about it. ;-)


Like most sexual matters, this problem has multiple solutions. The five I gave WILL solve the problem. If your partner really hates giving, start with the last method. If they're not willing, then consider the other options.

Life is too short to not enjoy some good oral.

Good luck!


Friday, August 9, 2013

The Sex Robots Were Great Until They Became Clingy Psycho Stalkers

courtesy Huntington Post

Warning- lots of nonsense in this post. Read at your own peril. ;-)

Earlier today, I re-posted this article on Facebook:

The article was satire, but still funny. And intriguing. As technology develops, we'll inevitably come to the point of producing machines that can closely approximate humans.

And in all likelihood, we'll use those machines for sex. Isn't that what electronic vibrating devices, motion pictures, telephones, the VHS cassette, and the Internet taught us- we'll adapt technology to use for sexual purposes?

Contrary to popular belief, capitalism doesn't drive technological advancement. The desire to have better and/or more sex drives technological development. 

So the sex robots- how close are we? As it turns out, the Japanese are leading the way:

This idea brings up some interesting questions. Some may harp on the morality of the whole issue, which I personally believe is dumb. What you do in the privacy of your own bedroom blah, blah, blah. A sex robot isn't going to precipitate the downfall of society. I'm more interested in more likely issues, such as:

  • Would it be more economical to own, or would a lease-with-option-to-buy be more realistic? [this topic was discussed in the last "morality" article linked above]
  • If you're married, would it be considered a threesome? Or cheating if one spouse wasn't involved?
  • If you're single, how would you introduce the FuckBot 3000 to potential mates?
  • Would the State of California figure out a way to tax you for every sexual act?
  • Would you fall in love with your robot? Personally I doubt this would happen in the absence of pheromones, but  suppose those could be released by the robot.
  • Would the robot fall in love with you, ala the original linked article?
  • Would the robot eventually start nagging you for dumb shit?
  • Would this be mostly a male phenomenon, or would females also be interested in the robot? Am I sexist for assuming that? Worse, am I THAT out of touch with what's really going through women's heads?
  • Will we end up like this dude?
What do you think? Would you buy a sex robot? How would any of these issues be resolved? Share your thoughts and opinions in the comments section!