Wednesday, May 21, 2014

The Plight of Open Relationships: She's Going to Get A LOT More Action than You

Jezebel recently posted this article about a dude that shared his story via Reddit. The brief summary: Dude's been dating his girlfriend for awhile and starts to get bored (see my last article on relationship boredom.) He decides to join an adult social site supposedly to look at pictures of hot women. Some of these hot women begin flirting with him. His confidence boosted, he decides to demand his girlfriend agree to an open relationship or he will dump her. After some expected emotional distress, she eventually relents. He goes on the prowl. She also signs up on the same site.

Fast forward a few weeks. He hasn't seen any action, whereas she's flooded with attention, dates, and a few hookups. The issue comes to a head when he sees her at a bar with another dude who proceeds to thank his for allowing her to have the open relationship.

Even though there's a high probability it's not a real story, it should serve as a cautionary tale on several levels. Let's explore those levels.

1. The vast majority of the time, online hot flirty women probably aren't hot. Or women. If you're getting A LOT of attention from women and you yourself aren't ridiculously rich, handsome, or funny, a red flag should be raised. These women would receive a shit-ton of attention themselves and wouldn't have the time to seek you out. Odds are good she's really just a middle-aged pasty dude in his mother's basement.

2. Understand the "ten to one" rule. At minimum, an available female will receive, on average, ten times the attention an available male will receive. This dude expected his less-attractive (in his words) girlfriend to receive minimal interest. He was shocked she received significantly more attention than he received. Guys typically take a shotgun-like approach to attracting women, whereas women will be a little more focused. It should not have been a surprise she received so much attention.

3. Open relationships done for purely selfish reasons are always disasters. The dude wanted an open relationship because he wanted to bone the supposed hot chicks he was chatting up online. He didn't consider his girlfriend's thoughts or feelings when suggesting the idea. He didn't consider that she would attract attention. He didn't consider she would be gong on dates. He didn't consider other dudes would be boning her. He really didn't consider the possibility that she would actually enjoy the open relationship experience (which she obviously did.)

4. He didn't fully appreciate what he had until he lost it. Or came close to losing it. By his own admittance, this relationship was better than his previous relationships. They had a lot in common. They had fun together. Still, he continually thought about what he was missing. It was a classic case of the grass being greener on the other side. Now, I'm a big believer in the "fix it or end it" philosophy of relationships, so I can sort of appreciate his... proactiveness. However, he went about it in the worst way possible. Instead of him actively ending it, he gave her a douchey ultimatum. Once that genie was out of the bottle, it was out for good. He realized he made a terrible mistake when he realized she was highly desirable. 

The dude seems like a huge tool. Hopefully the girlfriend meets a decent guy and ends the relationship. Hopefully he learned his lesson, too. 


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