Is My Partner Kinky? A Method to Assess Your Sexual Partner's Willingness to Engage in Sexual Activites

Here's the situation- you want to try something in the bedroom, but you're not sure if your partner will be up for it. In a perfect world, you could simply ask them. Unfortunately, relationships rarely follow the "perfect world" ideal. We worry about our significant other's reaction. 

Will they be upset? Will they feel threatened? Hurt? Embarrassed? Will they think we're sick perverts? Will they be so offended they decide to leave us?

All are legitimate fears. 

Since it's unlikely all of us will go through the steps to assure we have a perfect relationship where we feel absolutely safe to express ourselves openly and honestly, there are "shortcuts."

When it comes to kinky sexual activities and determining our partner's willingness to partake, one great tool is what's known in psychology circles as a consensus scale. It works like this:

1. You're given a list of items (in this case, sexual activities.)
2. You rank each one using a five point scale to be discussed in a moment.
3. You then discuss the answers with your significant other.

The five point scale is designed to assess agreeableness to activities, or how open you are to trying stuff. By rating agreeableness, you can then see how each other feels about any given activity.

In short, you'll know exactly what's on and off the table. 

So the scale: For each activity, there are five possible choices:

• 5 - I would LOVE this and would jump at the opportunity to do it!
• 4 - I think I would like this and want to give it a try.
• 3 - I'm not sure how I feel about this but would like to discuss it.
• 2 - I'm pretty sure I would dislike this but may be willing to give it a try at least once.
• 1 - I do not want to do this activity.

For the list of activities, I would recommend making your own. I Googled "list of sexual activities" and found a few very good lists, including this one from cafemom.com, this list from mysexprofessor.com, and this list from guyspeed.com. If you really want to push their boundary (or make other items on the list seem more "normal") add items from this list. 

Want an easier option? I'm in the process of compiling a list via Google Docs that's set up for this specific purpose. All you have to do is print out two copies, then each take the inventory. It can be found here:

Sexual Activity Consensus List

The list isn't entirely comprehensive, so I could use some help. Look over the list. If there's something I should add, leave a comment on THIS post. It can be general or specific. I'll add it to the list ASAP. 

Have fun with it!

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Give Me Oral! A Concise Guide to Convincing Your Partner to Perform Cunnilingus or Fellatio

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The Sex Robots Were Great Until They Became Clingy Psycho Stalkers

courtesy Huntington Post

Warning- lots of nonsense in this post. Read at your own peril. ;-)

Earlier today, I re-posted this article on Facebook:

Robot Programmed to Fall in Love with Girl Goes too Far

The article was satire, but still funny. And intriguing. As technology develops, we'll inevitably come to the point of producing machines that can closely approximate humans.

And in all likelihood, we'll use those machines for sex. Isn't that what electronic vibrating devices, motion pictures, telephones, the VHS cassette, and the Internet taught us- we'll adapt technology to use for sexual purposes?

Contrary to popular belief, capitalism doesn't drive technological advancement. The desire to have better and/or more sex drives technological development. 

So the sex robots- how close are we? As it turns out, the Japanese are leading the way:

This idea brings up some interesting questions. Some may harp on the morality of the whole issue, which I personally believe is dumb. What you do in the privacy of your own bedroom blah, blah, blah. A sex robot isn't going to precipitate the downfall of society. I'm more interested in more likely issues, such as:

• Would it be more economical to own, or would a lease-with-option-to-buy be more realistic? [this topic was discussed in the last "morality" article linked above]
• If you're married, would it be considered a threesome? Or cheating if one spouse wasn't involved?
• If you're single, how would you introduce the FuckBot 3000 to potential mates?
• Would the State of California figure out a way to tax you for every sexual act?
• Would you fall in love with your robot? Personally I doubt this would happen in the absence of pheromones, but  suppose those could be released by the robot.
• Would the robot fall in love with you, ala the original linked article?
• Would the robot eventually start nagging you for dumb shit?
• Would this be mostly a male phenomenon, or would females also be interested in the robot? Am I sexist for assuming that? Worse, am I THAT out of touch with what's really going through women's heads?
• Will we end up like this dude?

What do you think? Would you buy a sex robot? How would any of these issues be resolved? Share your thoughts and opinions in the comments section!

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An Explanation of the Foot Fetish Dudes?

Since becoming involved n barefoot running around 2005 or so, I've fielded a million questions covering all aspects of life without shoes. Most questions involve the logic or logistics of barefootedness. One group of questions, however, buck that trend.

I get a fair number of female friends that report a sudden increase of friend requests (on Facebook) from dudes asking to post more pictures of their feet. The requests are usually framed in a way that implicitly or explicitly indicates the piictures arouse them sexually. Almost all of these women have been creeped out by the phenomenon. After all, getting random requests from strangers that are obviously using your pictures for masturbatory practices can be a bit disconcerting for some.

I've always found this to be humorous and suggest they just block the friend requests. I also suggest the women (or other men) take it easy on the foot fetish fellows. We all have our unique turn-ons, and it's a good practice to avoid judging others. It's like offensive TV shows- instead of freaking out and calling for silly things like censorship, simply change the channel.

Anywho, the book I've been reading (How We Do It by Judy Dutton... which I would recommend for the sexually illiterate) discusses an article published in 1998 titled "Sexualization of the Female Foot in Response to Sexually Transmitted Epidemics." The authors note there seems to be an increase in female foot fetishes in response to historical STD epidemics. According to this hypothesis, the current increase in female foot fetishes is a direct result of the AIDS epidemic. 

If this is the case, the current crop of men (any maybe some women) that have developed a fetish for the female foot hit the jackpot. The barefoot running movement has produced an huge influx of easily-available female foot pictures easily accessible via the Interwebz. The ease of availability would theoretically add even more fuel to the fire that is female foot fetishes.

What do you think? Many of my readers are also current or former barefoot runners OR dudes that may have a foot fetish. Is the theory plausible? Leave your thoughts in the comments section!

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Feeling Down? Unmotivated? Depressed? Try Swallowing. Or Perhaps a Nice Creampie?

I've been reading the book "How We Do It: How the Science of Sex Can Make You a Better Lover" by Judy Dutton. [Note- if you're interested, used copies are available for a Bareefoot Running Book-esque price of $0.01 via Amazon] The book discusses a wide variety of fascinating sexuality topics derived from research. It's an infinitely better basis for sexual knowledge than that bullshit published in puppy cage liners like Cosmo, Redbook, and Men's Health. I highly recommend the book based on what I've read thus far.

One of the first studies the author discusses is a correlational study by Gallup, Burch and Platek (2002) that discusses a positive correlation between condom use and depression. The authors of the study hypothesize the cause of the correlation could be due to prostaglandins present in semen that are absorbed into the recipient's body which wards off depressive symptoms.

I'll take a moment to let all the dudes rejoice.

If you think this is the greatest idea ever stop reading here. Print out the Gallop et. al. abstract and tactfully give it to your significant other... preferably when they're in a bad mood. Offer up a nice "deposit" for... you know, humanitarian reasons. Better yet, all the guys can now add "Bringer of Happiness" to their resumes or CVs. 

If you're more of a research geek, read on.

Like all sexuality research, it's a good idea to read the fine print. The Gallup study was correlational in nature, which means the results can't say if the lack of condoms (and accompanying creampie) caused the decrease in depression. The authors of the study did control for a variety of extraneous variables, which does increase the validity. Still, causation can't be established with correlational research.

Psychology Today posted a nice critical article, which is worth a read. The PT article does note Gallup et. al. have replicated the results with a larger sample size, but the same correational issues will still be an issue.

Could causation be tested?

It would be somewhat difficult in the lab, though I could imagine groups of subjects ingesting caplets filled with either semen or a placebo. 

It would be much easier to test this hypothesis at home. After all there's nothing more reliable and valid than the n=1 experiment. This home experiment requires a "donor" and a "recipient." If you're in a relationship without a donor, you're fucked. And resigned to spend a lot of time being angry. ;-)

Bad jokes aside, the experiment s very simple. Have sex (vaginal oral  or anal... all are acceptable methods to absorb the hormones in the semen.) About half of the time the donor will finish up inside the recipient. For the other half, the donor will finish up outside (note- some believe semen also has positive effects on skin health.) Otherwise they to keep every other variable the same. If the recipient normally orgasms as part of the sexual acts make sure they continue in both conditions. 

Record the mood of the recipient in the hours after the experiment. After a few weeks, you should see a pattern developing if one exists. If there is a pattern, congratulation! You've stumbled upon an easy route to happiness! If there is no pattern, at least you've had a lot of sex. 

It's a win-win!

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