Ready to experience sex that feels less like a quick sprint and more like a flow state, full-body detonation?
In the last post, I introduced and explained the science and rationale for my two Rituals designed to create transcendent pleasure: The Ritual of Light and The Ritual of Shadow. Both utilize the art and science of pleasure and connection. The Ritual of Light, which we explore today, focuses on controlled, systematic arousal and merging, while the Ritual of Shadow will explore a more primal, intensity-driven approach.
Distilling Tantra: Why The Ritual of Light Works
This ritual most closely resembles traditional Tantric Sex practices, which were my primary roadmap. Tantra is powerful and, quite simply, works. But it isn't easily accessible to a complete newbie. It often takes a lot of squeeze to get the juice.
The Ritual of Light changes that. It's open-source pleasure, democratizing the knowledge by distilling Tantra down to the parts that truly matter, then adding my own collection of psychology tricks to make the experience more reliable with less effort.
Here’s how The Ritual of Light deviates from common practices:
Eliminates Mystical Language: It strips away the language and spiritual components that often act as roadblocks or lend a slight pretentiousness to Western interpretations, focusing purely on the physiological and psychological mechanics of relaxation, focus, and pleasure.
Simplifies Focus: It streamlines the breathing, relaxation, and focus components by borrowing effective, proven techniques from Sport Psychology (visuo-motor rehearsal, guided meditation). It seems odd, but the techniques that improve athletic performance improve sex... a lot.
Uses Conditioned Responses: It utilizes classical and operant conditioning (think Pavlov’s dogs and Skinner's pigeons). By framing this as a "ritual," we're conditioning your body to associate specific environmental cues (lighting, scent, music, stages) with deep arousal, improving your body's response every time you practice.
While we've stripped away the mysticism, I think it's important to acknowledge the legitimate roots of traditional Tantra, which started in ancient India. It was a massive, holistic spiritual system aimed at achieving liberation and viewing the body as a path to divine union, which is an idea that makes total sense once you hit the peak of The Ritual of Light experience. When that complex philosophy hit the West, we did what we usually do: we focused on the sex, stripping away the philosophy and leaving a simplified, often fetishized concept. I mean, this is basically what I'm doing here, too, but this Ritual aims to reclaim the depth of the experience without the spiritual gatekeeping.
The Origin Story: Hotel Sex and the AI Chatbot
Like all good origin stories, it all started with hotel sex...
I first experienced this phenomenon personally after a stay in a hotel with Shelly (my wife) that involved a series of escalating bouts of sex interspersed with periods of relaxation and naps. After about 24 hours, one session in the in-room jacuzzi was different.
It was like it took me to a different plane of existence: a flow state, an out-of-body experience coupled with intense ecstasy and simultaneous calm bliss. I felt a profound connectedness, not only to Shelly but to everything. It was beautiful, erotic, emotional, and cathartic... a deep, immensely pleasurable experience.
In true dorky fashion, I treated it like a scientist would, considering all the variables: the room, the jacuzzi, the music, the food.... what caused this? Nothing really explained it.
Fast forward about two years. A fit of boredom led me to chat with an AI bot about the nature of the experience. It quickly identified the state as analogous to experiences reported by Tantric practitioners.
I had inadvertently stumbled upon a Tantric experience. Once I had that framework, and with "Every Breath Your Take" playing in the background, I realized there's nothing magical or mystical about Tantra; it’s just a specific series of activities that reliably produce THE effect. I realized the Tantra methods could be dramatically improved to be more universally applicable and easier to implement. After some R&D, I constructed the framework for The Ritual of Light.
Here's how it works:
The Basic Structure of The Ritual
The Ritual is designed to be modular. Every part is psychologically and physiologically important; skipping any step will make the subsequent steps less effective. However, it takes a long time. The modular nature is meant to adjust to the time you have available. The longer you have, the better, though.
Crucially, neither Ritual requires both partners to be in the mood for sex. The process itself can reset you from an annoyed or tired baseline to a comfortable, pleasant one.
Here are the six stages, and the approximate time for the full experience.
1. Set the Environment: Safety & Cues (10 minutes)
2. Connect & Set the Rules: Safety & Intent (10 minutes)
3. Relax & Focus: Physical & Mental Priming (40-60 minutes)
4. Scaffold Arousal: Edge & Expand Capacity (60-90 minutes)
5. Peak: Surfing the Wave (15-20 minutes)
6. Aftercare: Integration & Grounding (15 minutes +)
With experience and some selective culling, a couple should be able to distill this down to a total of 90 minutes, or even 60 minutes. However, pleasure is directly proportional to time... the longer you prolong the process, the greater the degree of arousal, the greater the pleasure. So block out much time as you can.
The Details
Stage 1: Set the Environment
The physical environment matters as it sets the mood. Use the same environment every time to trigger the conditioning effect. If you have the space, setting up a dedicated Ritual Room would be ideal.
Setting: Quiet, dimly-lit, and warm. Candles are nice, a fire is better.
Scent: Repeating the scent matters. Use the same candle or diffuser every time, as scent is one of our most powerful memory retrieval cues.
Sound: Relaxing music helps. Smooth Jazz, classical, nature sounds... the style doesn’t matter, as long as both partners find it relaxing. Tribal drum beats actually work really well for this Ritual.
Surface: A bed works just fine, but any comfortable surface is acceptable (couches, mats, etc.). Padded mats on the floor with a soft covering (like a blanket) ad throw pillows works exceptionally well.
Stage 2: Connect and Set the Safety Rules
To take arousal to the next level, we must feel utterly safe, physically, psychologically, and emotionally. Arousal is always limited by an underlying sense of safety. In The Ritual of Shadow, we'll play with fear and danger. Even then, the arousal that comes from adrenaline is greatly enhanced if you're safe. Basically, the idea is being able to let go. The more you can let go and immerse yourself in the experience, the stronger the arousal and pleasure becomes.
Sit facing each other and practice the non-dominant eye gaze, which I explain shortly. Continue to look into that eye as you discuss the following four topics:
Sexual Limits: Have a discussion on each person's sexual limits. Any limit you’re comfortable with is fine. This could be things like no dirty talk, no oral, no penetration, no butt play... whatever.
Activity Outline: Decide which specific activities and stages will be used. Knowing what to expect reduces anxiety. Initially, do every part of every stage. AFter you get some experience, you can start reducing the parts that don't take as much time, or don't add to the experience.
The Tap Out: Practice the physical "safe word." The "tap out", which is explained below.
We rely on a physical signal because extreme arousal often down-regulates the part of the brain responsible for complex language; tapping bypasses this verbal block, allowing you to signal safety even when you are too deep in the experience to form words.
Determine Roles: Decide who is the Guiding partner and who is the Receiving partner. Tantra tends to be a very egalitarian practice. We're changing that a bit by intentionally putting someone in control. It doesn't matter if the roles are filled by males or females, or if the roles switch between Rituals. But within any given Ritual, designate a Guiding Partner and a Receiving Partner.
Roles and Safety Mechanisms
The Tap Out: This is a physical safe word: two reasonably hard taps on the other person’s body in a conspicuous place, or simply saying "Tap!" When one person taps out, both pause, decouple, and take a five-minute break. The rule is simple: always respect the tap. Its purpose is to prevent continuation out of obligation or coercion, which sabotages the feelings of safety. Tapping is used because verbal language becomes difficult in extremely aroused states.
Roles: One partner will be Guiding (the pace-setter and breath-controller), and the other will be Receiving. Unlike the Ritual of Shadow, partners can swap roles. The more experienced partner traditionally guides first.
Understanding the Non-Dominant Eye Gaze
The non-dominant eye gaze is critical. Each eye feeds a slightly different stream of information into the brain:
- Dominant Eye: Routes information to the left hemisphere (language, analysis, self-presentation).
- Non-Dominant Eye: Routes information to the right hemisphere (emotional processing, reading micro-expressions, threat cues).
This is why non-dominant eye gazing feels raw and strangely intimate. You’re bypassing the narrator and going straight into the body’s "truth," and defenses begin to melt.
Stage 3: Relax and Focus (The Priming Phase)
This stage establishes the foundation for deep sensing, feeling, and arousal. It has two goals: relaxation and focus, and is divided into five successive steps.
Step 1: Belly Breathing (13 breaths)
Both partners lie on their backs, facing the opposite direction, hands on each other's belly buttons.
Inhale slowly through the nose, extending your belly as far as possible (pulling maximum air into the lungs). Pause, then slowly breathe out through your mouth.
Imagery: Imagine the air fueling a fire inside your belly, feeling the heat growing with each inhale and the heat from that fire spreading throughout your body with each exhale.
The Guiding partner leads the cadence; the Receiving partner follows. Do this thirteen times.
Step 2: Progressive Relaxation (The Arousal Pyramid)
In the same position, the Guiding partner leads both partners through this sequence.
Flex and Generate Heat: Tense the muscle group from relaxed to fully flexed. Imagine it generating heat. Hold for a silent count of ten.
Relax and Spread the Heat: Relax the muscles, imagining the heat spreading in waves across your body.
Arousal Pyramid Progression:
- Hands and feet
- Forearms and calves
- Upper arms and upper legs
- Chest and shoulders
- Abs and lower back
- Hips, butt, and pelvic floor.
- PC Muscle: (If you're not familiar with the pubococcygeous muscle, click the link)
- Hips, butt, and pelvic floor
- Abs and lower back
- Chest and shoulders
- Upper arms and upper legs
- Forearms and calves
- Hands and feet
Step 3: Narrow Attention (Guided Meditation)
The Receiving partner remains lying down; the Guiding partner sits up.
The Guiding partner walks the Receiving partner through a guided scene (e.g., a staircase with thirteen steps). With each step downward, the Guiding partner gives suggestions for increasing relaxation and focus. (A sample script will be provided in a future post). This is a form of hypnotic induction and the specific suggestions will determine the depth of the "trance." The deeper the better.
Step 4: Feel (Visuo-Motor Behavioral Rehearsal)
This step builds Arousal Heat and is broken into three parts.
Part A: General Tensing: The Guiding partner directs the Receiver to tense and release thirteen different muscle groups, varying the timing: quick release, slow hold (2 seconds to tense, 2 to hold, 2 to release), or absurdly slow (10 seconds to tense, 10 to hold, 10 to release).
Part B: PC Muscle Heat: The Receiving partner relaxes every muscle except the PC muscle. The Guiding partner explains that this muscle generates a special kind of heat, Arousal Heat, which sexually charges every body part it reaches.
The Receiver is directed to: Breathe in while tensing, hold your breath while at full clench, then exhale while relaxing. The Guiding partner counts out loud for pacing.
- 13 seconds (Slowest): Clench, hold, and release
- 11 seconds: Clench, hold, and release
- 9 seconds: Clench, hold, and release
- 7 seconds: Clench, hold, and release
- 5 seconds: Clench, hold, and release
- 3 seconds: Clench, hold, and release
- 1 second (Quickest): Clench, hold, and release
- 3 seconds: Clench, hold, and release
- 5 seconds: Clench, hold, and release
- 7 seconds: Clench, hold, and release
- 9 seconds: Clench, hold, and release
- 11 seconds: Clench, hold, and release
- 13 seconds (Slowest): Clench, hold, and release
Part C: The Heat Bridge: The Guiding partner places a hand on a specific body part. The Receiver simultaneously clenches the designated muscle and their PC muscle (13 seconds tense, 13 seconds hold, 13 seconds relax). Suggest that the heat generated in both areas creates a Heat Bridge flowing in a circular pattern, driven by their inhaling (tensing generates heat) and exhaling (relaxing spreads heat).
- Left thigh and PC muscle
- Right calf and PC muscle
- Left foot and PC muscle
- Right thigh and PC muscle
- Abs and PC muscle
- Left shoulder and PC muscle
- Right biceps and PC muscle
- Left forearm and PC muscle
- Right hand and PC muscle
- Abs and PC muscle
- PC muscle only
- Sternum and PC muscle
- PC muscle only
Step 5: Putting It All Together (Connection)
Sit cross-legged and facing each other, gazing into the non-dominant eye.
Place your right hands over each other’s hearts, then place your left hand over your partner's right hand.
Heart Synchronization: The Guiding partner takes thirteen slow, deep breaths, with the Receiving partner following. Focus on feeling your partner's heartbeat and imagining it generates a burst of heat radiating into your body.
Arousal Synchronization: Continue the PC muscle clench (inhale: clench & build heat; exhale: release & spread heat). Imagine your partner's genitals producing Arousal Heat that spreads through their body and into yours.
You will literally feel more of what your partner is feeling. Involuntary hip rocking is okay. Do this thirteen times.
The Seamless Segue: The Guiding partner gradually speeds up the breathing rhythm with each breath. The tension builds dramatically, but resist touching as long as possible. If you need more tension, hit one breath per second and tense every muscle in your body for thirteen seconds, then quickly release. When you can no longer resist, move to Stage 4.
Stage 4: The Arousal Scaffolding: Building the Pleasure Plateau
The goal of this phase is to repeatedly cycle sexual arousal with relaxation without orgasm. This is essentially a form of edging done after the deep priming of Stage 3. Each cycle expands your depth and capacity for pleasure.
Part A: Erotic Massage Cycles
Both partners give and receive masages as part of the Ritual. It's the one time the Reciving Partner takes an active role. The Reciving Partner massages the Guiding Partner first, then they swap roles. This is intended to a) give the Guiding Partner a chance to enjoy receiving during the Ritual, and b) gives the Receiving Partner a small break in intensity before building to the peak experience.
If you're not familair with erotic message techniques, here's a good primer:
The massage is divided into three parts, each using 13 cycles of synchronized breathing and arousal. The formula is exact:
0-90 seconds: Light touch increasing to intensity. Breathing starts slow, then quickens. Receiver & Guide clench PC muscles on inhale, relax on exhale.
90-95 seconds (Peak Tension): Hands still. Hold breath (or quick breaths). Both partners tense every muscle for five seconds them release.
95-120 seconds (Relaxation): Hands move very slowly over Receiving Partner's body. Deep and slow breathing. PC muscles stay relaxed.
120+ seconds: Restart the cycle.
Cycle 1 (Receiving Partner lying on their Stomach): Receiver on stomach. Genitals touching is not permitted.
Cycle 2 (Receiving Partner lying on their Back): Receiver on back. Genitals/nipple touching is not permitted.
Cycle 3 (Receiving Partner lying on their back): The Guiding partner transitions to focus only on genitals and nipples. If the Receiver gets close to climax, immediately end the arousal cycle and start the 25 seconds of slow breathing/no movement.
Part B: The Throne of Fire Position
Transition to the face-to-face lap position, referred to in Tantra as the "yab yum" position. We call it the "Trone of Fire." This is divided into three parts, each lasting 13 minutes and repeating the 13-breath cycle. Admittedly, 13 minutes is a LONG time given both of you will be really aroused at this point, but the more restaint you have here, the better the payoff.
Part 1 (No Penetration): Sit face-to-face without penetration. Synchronize breathing and clenching (inhale: clench; exhale: relax). Cycle 13 breaths, tense all muscles for 5 seconds, relax for 25 seconds, and repeat for 13 minutes.
Part 2 (Penetration, No Movement): Penetration is allowed. Neither partner may move their hips. Only PC muscle by both partners squeezing on the inhale and relaxing on the exhale. Repeat the 13-breath cycle for 13 minutes.
Part 3 (Penetration, With Movement): Continue the PC squeeze/release. Now, both partners may rock their hips. On the inhale, bring your hips together. On the exhale, move them apart. Repeat the 13-breath cycle until the end of the 13 minutes. If either partner nears climax, stop all movement and immediately transition to deep, slow breathing.
Each of these cycles raises arousal up two notches, then lowers it one notch, systematically opening you up sexually and melting away pleasure barriers.
Stage 5: Peak (Surfing the Sliver)
In normal sex, orgasm is the goal. In the Ritual of Light, the entire plateau leading to orgasm produces the "I met god" experience. Our goal is to surf the wave of that sliver right before climax becomes inevitable. As such, orgasm isn't really the goal, but still. Orgasms are orgasms, and this one's pretty damn amazing.
In Stage 5, the couple is free to use whatever sexual activities they normally rely on to bring each other to climax... penis-in-vagina intercourse, oral sex, mutual masturbation, toys, hands, grinding… all of it, or anything else, is compatible with the Ritual.
The method doesn’t depend on the type of stimulation; it depends on who’s controlling the levers. What matters is that the Guiding Partner remains fully in command of the pacing so they can direct the Receiver’s breathing, modulate the rhythm and pressure of touch, and cue the Receiver to follow their breaths rather than their own. This keeps the entire encounter tethered to the three arousal controls, breath, speed, and pressure, so the Receiver isn’t swept past the point of no return before the build is complete.
Whatever technique the couple chooses becomes the instrument; the Guiding Partner simply plays it with precision, keeping the Receiver riding that shimmering sliver between too much and not enough until it's time to tip them into the fall. Specifically:
Breathing (Gas & Brake): You've probably noticed we breathe noticably faster as we approach orgasm. WHat you probably haven't noticed is breathing actually controls orgasm, so it can be used to edge ever-closer without reaching the point of no return.
- Gas: Quick, shallow breathing (enhanced by Receiver tensing PC muscle).
- Brake: Slow, deep breathing (enhanced by Receiver imagining heat spreading on the exhale).
Speed of Touch: Faster pace increases arousal. Slower pace decreases arousal.
Pressure of Touch: Higher pressure increases arousal. Lower pressure decreases arousal.
Notably, very slow, hard pressure will often push most of us over the edge, especially when it follows faster, hard pressure.
The Guiding Partner becomes the conductor of the Receiver’s arousal, working those three levers, breath, speed, and pressure, to keep them balanced on that razor-thin “sliver” where pleasure is overwhelming but orgasm hasn’t yet claimed them.
Breath is the primary dial: quick, shallow inhales paired with pelvic tension push the Receiver up the slope, while slow, deep breathing with a warm exhale melts the intensity just enough to keep them from tipping.
Touch becomes the second instrument. Speed acts like rhythm, faster strokes or movements push the Receiver closer to inevitability, while slowing the pace lets them settle back into the plateau.
Pressure is the final fine-tuner; firmer pressure spikes arousal, lighter touch diffuses it, allowing the Guiding Partner to adjust the Receiver’s internal temperature by millimeters.
Used together, those three tools let the Guiding Partner steer the Receiver into the sweet spot where pleasure stops feeling linear and becomes transcendent. When the Receiver is shaking at that edge, softened but undone, the Guiding Partner decides when to finally let them release the tension.
The Transcendent Orgasm
A normal orgasm is a pressure-release valve. The Ritual of Light creates something else entirely. Your entire nervous system is primed to experience pleasure as a full-body event instead of a pelvic sneeze.
The orgasm doesn’t erupt from the genitals; it detonates outward from the chest, spine, and scalp. It’s long, rolling, and strangely calm amid the intensity. It hits every major pleasure circuit at once: pelvic nerves, vagus nerve, limbic reward networks, and the parts of the brain that light up during deep flow states. This is why people cry, laugh, or experience profound clarity. It's your nervous system firing in harmony.
The Guiding Partner's Peak
The Guiding Partner isn't left out; they get theirs, too. How the Guiding partner climaxes is a matter of skill and preference.
Simultaneous Orgasm: This is tricky because the Guiding partner not only has to manage the three variables to surf the sliver of the Receiving Partner, but also manage their own arousal at the same time. However, it's a skill worth developing. It helps to maintain non-dominant eye contact, and a partner's orgasm usually triggers and amplifies your own, which amplies their orgasm. Done together, it can create a nuclear chain reaction (this takes practice).
Subsequent Orgasm: More realistically, finish after the Receiving partner using whatever method both of you prefer. One possibility is switching roles so the Receiving Partner can edge the Guiding partner through a condensed version of the cycles.
Stage 6: Aftercare (Integration)
After the peak, you will be blissfully exhausted. The experience is physiologically taxing and may involve profound emotions. Your bodies need time to re-adapt to real life.
Lie in a comfortable position, skin to skin, until your synchronized breathing naturally returns to its normal state.
When you’re ready to move, hydrate and have a small snack.
At some point, it is okay to talk about the experience.
This aftercare process reinforces the safety aspect of the Ritual, cementing the belief that no matter how much you let go and allow yourself to be open to this experience, you'll still be safe.
Conclusion: Training for the Olympics of Pleasure
I realize this might feel like a massive amount of instruction for something that usually happens instinctively in the dark. But remember, we’re effectively rebranding ourselves as sexual athletes here, and we’re training for the Olympics of Pleasure. The Ritual of Light is designed to be a heavy lift because it yields a heavy return.
By stripping away the mystical barriers of traditional Tantra and replacing them with hard-nosed psychology and conditioning, we’re taking control of an autonomic process. We are turning "getting lucky" into a repeatable, high-performance skill.
The first time you attempt this, it’s going to feel awkward. You might giggle during the eye-gazing or lose count during the arousal scaffolding. That is perfectly normal. You're trying to rewire years of sexual autopilot and condition your nervous system to accept a level of pleasure it usually filters out. Stick with the process, respect the safety of the "tap out," and trust the physiology. Once you push past that initial friction and surf that first wave of full-body, "one-with-everything" bliss, the mechanics will fade into the background, and the connection will take over.
Ultimately, The Ritual of Light is about democratizing ecstasy. You don't need to be a guru on a mountaintop to experience the divine; you just need at least 60-90 minutes, a willing partner, and the discipline to breathe through the intensity.
Your assignment: Find the block of time to go through the whole routine. Set the environment. Use the "tap out" and "non-dominant eye gaze" tonight. The Divine is waiting.
In the next post, I’ll explore The Ritual of Shadow, the darker twin to the Light. If the Ritual of Light is about melting open, the Shadow is about being taken apart. Where Light teaches you to dissolve through warmth and connection, Shadow teaches you to surrender through pressure, command, and the exquisite tension that sits right on the border of fear and desire. It’s the path where boundaries become instruments, power becomes sensation, and the nervous system learns to transmute intensity into devotion.
~Jason
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