Tuesday, April 7, 2015

Women, Explained: Part Two - Hypergamy!

Part OnePart TwoPart ThreePart FourPart FivePart 6Part 7Part 8Part 9Part 10Part 11

In part one of the series, I spelled out how and why I became interested in sex and gender, how I researched the topic over the years, and how Joe the pickup artist gave me the epiphany that led to the insights I'll discuss in this post.

Before I go into detail, I have to give thanks to all the guys (and a few women) that worked to advance this knowledge beyond the laboratory. Specifically, this wouldn't have been possible without Dr. Robert Glover and Rollo Tomassi. The Red Pill community, where many of these amateur psychologist pickup artists discuss their trade, is filled with a whole lotta unpleasant noise. These two gentlemen have both done a wonderful job of isolating the useful from the... well, horrible.


We left off talking about the theory of sociobiology and how it explained the duality of female sexual strategy. Women simultaneously want the genes of alpha males and the resources of beta males. Ideally, those occur in the same package. Practically, there aren't enough of these men to go around, so evolution created some work-arounds. Most notably would be women's tendency to seek alpha males when ovulating (to produce alpha babies) and seek beta males the rest of the time (to raise those alpha babies.) The goal is to produce the best possible children and give them the best possible opportunity to survive. This is a pattern that's been repeated countless times throughout the history of our species. This seeking of the best possible outcome for their offspring is often called "hypergamy", which is often thought of as the tendency for women to "marry up."

This has created the serial monogamy relationship pattern we know today. For women, this usually results in the following pattern:

  • A woman hits puberty and begins dating. This usually lasts until the mid-to-late twenties. During this time, the woman is basically "testing the waters" so to speak. Many women attend college and start careers. Relationships tend to be somewhat shorter and less serious; few women make long-term commitments (i.e. - marriage) during this phase. Women tend to heavily favor alpha males (think jocks and bad boys) during this phase because alphas sexually excite them far more than betas. It's worth noting women's sexual peak fertility comes in her early twenties.
  • As a woman approaches her mid-to-late twenties, she begins feeling pressure, both internally and externally from friends, family, and society as a whole, to consider settling down and having kids. This pressure is amplified by the reality to diminishing capacity to conceive, and the (at this point) unconscious realization that she likely hit her peak of physical attractiveness when her fertility peaked (remember from part one that the qualities men find universally attractive are indicators of fertility.) The alphas she had been attracted to become less attractive because they're poorly-equipped for long-term relationships (their confidence, attractiveness to other competing women, narcissism, and general indifference tend to make really bad partners in most cases.) The long-ignored betas finally get their chance. Indeed, this sliver of time when women are between about 25 and 29 is the only time betas enjoy an advantage over alphas when it comes to opportunities for sexual escapades. The problem - those escapades are contingent on the beta committing and probably starting a family. There is no "playing the field" for betas. They'll likely enjoy a year or two of mind-blowing passionate sex until the honeymoon period ends. 
  • Once a woman passes the 30 threshold, the attached women usually starts or has started a family. The unattached women continue as they did before, but the market for available men dries up quickly and women have to start compromising their expectations. For the attached women, they may now face the "have kids" or "have a career" decision. Regardless, the once-frequent sex with her beta life partner decreases in both quantity and quality. In almost all cases, this causes some sort of strain on the relationship. 
  • By the mid-thirties, relationship satisfaction hits a low. Men yearn for the sexy, passionate minx from the beginning of the relationship. Women (and this is an important point) no longer feel much desire for their beta husbands and yearn for the alphas of their past (real or fantasy.) I wrote No Bone Zone specifically to help couples overcome this phase. Unfortunately, too many couples either end the relationship during this phase, turn to destructive habits, or have affairs. This is where Joe the pickup artist works - he offers the perfect alpha "fling" for women suffering through low desire for their beta husbands. He figured out the roadmap that explained his prey's behavior and he perfectly gamed the system. This is also the phase where unattached women that could not secure an acceptable mate will sweep in an attempt to poach the unhappy men that are seeking that lost passion. Couples that survive move on, but many get divorced by the age of 40. Once divorced, men and women tend to repeat the exact same cycle. 
The tension of that draw to both the alpha and beta, coupled with the hypergamy drive to acquire the best possible mate, can be used to accurately and reliably explain and predict most female behavior. 

So why did it take pickup artists to discover this?

I firmly believe it took us a long time to discover this because we have a tendency to ask women why they do what they do instead of observing what they do. Every woman I've discussed this with is only vaguely aware of these dynamics. In fact, most have denied they exist until they themselves start interpreting other female behavior without their internal frame of reference. This would lead me to believe all of this occurs subconsciously. Just like guys can't quite explain why they like big tits, women can't explain how this duality of desire plays out. There's a program running in the background and it's controlling the entire show. 

This Theory is Ridiculous!

This is where this journey got weird for me. When discussing these issues, I've found the vast majority of men assume I'm a misogynistic asshole and dismiss everything. A few, usually through personal experience, connect the same dots I did and begin applying the theory to the female behaviors they observe in their environment. It doesn't take them long to have the "holy shit, THIS is how women work!" epiphany.

Women are even more interesting. About half have the same reaction as most guys. They immediately shut the idea down and dismiss me as a sexist dickhead. The other half, the more introspective half, have a tendency to get very quiet for a while. They're applying the principle to their own lives and realizing this is the mechanism that is manifested as inner-turmoil that is sexual attraction since puberty. 

In either case, those that get it start seeing all sorts of practical applications to make their lives better. Those that don't? Well, they just keep on soldiering down the well-worn path of quiet desperation.

Still Not Convinced?

The theory is pretty far out there, mostly because it's exceedingly easy to attach ill intent to women (those opportunistic cunts; this explains all the games they're always playing!) Evolution's not moral, however. Just like my cuddly pet cat killing scores of mice and birds every year, nature is immoral. We sometimes forget that our meta-cognitive intellectual skills are controlled by deeper biological drives necessary to keep our species going, and this is a perfect illustration of that point.

Let's take a look at a little more evidence. Think about most women's "ideal" man. Read personal ads. Or just look at this picture:

This man is the epitome of the Third Generation Male. He is alpha as fuck, but also has the beta traits like sweet, sensitive, sincere, and of course, willing to feed a woman ice cream in bed every night for the rest of her life

THIS is the man every women wants. This man would drive almost any woman wild at they'd fight each other tooth and nail to have his babies.

This man does not exist. 

The next best thing is, not surprisingly, is the manufactured version of the TGM. Ever notice women are really turned on by "tame the bad boy" stories? What's going on there? Hypergamy. A woman is taking an alpha that makes her panties wet, then systematically "reforms" him by punishing his negative alpha tendencies and rewarding beta tendencies.

Beyond these conditions, alphas are desired pretty much all the time from puberty through old age except for the periods of time where a woman feels compelled to settle down. Alphas are anything but stable, so women need betas. As I mentioned before, betas pretty much always take a back seat to alphas except for two windows - women that have passed their peak fertility and facing diminished ability to attract a mate, and in some cases, the second time this pattern repeats itself if a woman gets divorced in her early thirties, has a year or two of rising alpha cock, then settling down for one more crack at potential parenthood before menopause.

Still not convinced, right?

I've went through the majority of my life as a beta, at least in the relationship realm. In fact, I was the worst kind of beta - I was a "Nice Guy" (read that post; it's a good compliment to this discussion.) I didn't date much before marrying my first wife. Odds are extremely good my "Nice Guy" beta behaviors ruined that relationship (which was for the better... we had virtually nothing in common.) I somehow snagged my current wife, probably because I can be an alpha in many situations. She assumed I was one of those high-value alphas with beta tendencies. Fortunately for her, I eventually learned to apply the alpha-ness to our relationship, but it was a very, very rocky road filled with a lot of angst and personal growth. Over the last year, I've been rolling out this new alphas persona more and more. As I discussed in this post, the results have been nothing short of shocking. 

The single most obvious change has been the way women respond to me. I've always garnered at least a little bit of female attention probably because of my tendency to like being the center of attention or drive to lead people, but the type of woman had always been fairly specific. I attracted women that were looking for a relationship. Makes sense, right? Indeed, my emotional neediness towards women seems to be a clear sign that I'm an ideal long-term partner. Unfortunately, that beta emotional neediness hides my more instinctual alpha narcissism, sadism, and Machiavellianism. In other words, I'm a closeted alpha that created a beta persona to protect myself from female rejection. 

Embracing that inner alpha dramatically changed how both men and women responded to me. I earned immediate respect, some admiration, and in the case of women - overt physiological attraction. That last part was and still is kind of shocking. I was used to going through life and only garnering overt interest from, well, somewhat desperate women. Now, with nothing more than a subtle shift in attitude, I had an immediate influx of female attraction from all sorts of surprising places. I had younger women, seemingly happily-married women, and women that I thought were clearly out of my league suddenly expressing far more interest in me than any other point in my life. While it served as a great ego boost, it also made me a little sad because it confirmed this theory about women was probably pretty accurate and more or less destroyed the schema I used to explain sex, gender, and relationships. In essence, this discovery forced me to adopt a much different world view which was very difficult on an emotional level. Then I remembered the cat killing mice analogy. Nature is what it is.

Even now, the strength of this effect is hard to believe. As my real-life friends can attest, I'm not a "10." I'm relatively attractive and fit for my age, but I'm not the dude in the picture above. Still, the female attention was bordering on annoying. I'm happily married and Shelly and I have a very open attitude towards compersion, so this wasn't a threatening experience (she actually changed my Facebook profile to a shirtless pic because she "likes to show me off"... another female behavior we;ll discuss eventually.) Still, the constant conversations with women I did not know and did not want to know took time and effort so I reverted back to my more passive beta persona most of the time.

The real benefit in understanding this concept, for me, has been the application to our relationship. First, Shelly loves confident, decisive, assertive, cocky "alpha Jason" a lot more than needy, whiny, passive-aggressive "beta Jason." I've been able to leverage that new persona, along with some of the lessons from No Bone Zone, to dramatically increase both the quantity and quality of sex. That now reinvigorated sex life spills over to all aspects of our relationship and personal lives. It's been a resounding win-win.


In this installment, I introduced the idea of hypergamy and explored the duality of female sexual desire, how that duality influences relationships, and what outcomes result from that duality. In the next installment, I'll discuss how exactly we rate each other to determine our best options and how that plays out over the course of our lives.


1 comment:

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