Thursday, April 16, 2015

Beta Males, Explained: Part Two - The Life Cycle of a Beta Male

In the first section of this series, I explained what I consider to be "alpha males" and "beta males." In this section, I'll discuss why beta males become beta males (what's their real motivation), and I'll follow a typical beta male timeline as they advance through life.

Understanding Beta Males

Beta males are almost always defined by one very specific trait - they sincerely believe women are aroused by vulnerable, weak men. Furthermore, the beta male believes there is one special woman out there for him. Once he finds her, their love will create a mystical, magical union that can and will overcome anything and everything. They can finally relax from tirelessly searching for their soul mate and smell the roses. They'll grow old together and he'll read stories of their courtship from a tattered old notebook while she slowly slips into the abyss of dementia. 

Or some shit like that.

This is almost always the root of beta male behavior - placing women on a pedestal. In the past, betas were just a small subsection of shy males that experienced anxiety in the presence of women. Today, I would hypothesize the majority of American males fit the beta profile. The personality type has become so prevalent because men are basically taught that women prefer this type of man, which is then reinforced by parents, friends, school, news media, magazines, TV, movies, and, of course, women. 

That belief is powerful for males because, deep down, most of us love the idea that there's one special someone out there that represents our perfect match. A guy doesn't have to work to impress women; he can just be himself. The right girl will find him. Once we meet, we'll complete each other. Most importantly, men can finally stop performing to earn the love of a woman. They've been doing the hard work their whole lives, now they get to enjoy the fruits of their labor.

Or so they believe. 

Betas go through their early lives in silent desperation. They usually internalize their "women love vulnerable men" sexual strategy around the time they hit puberty. They're led to believe women require comfort, respect, and time to get to the point where they may be interested in sex (and a relationship... but sex is the primary concern.) As such, they study women. They learn their habits. They learn their mannerisms. They attempt to learn how women think. This is why beta males feel more comfortable around women... they believe women want men that can assume feminine traits. Also, they tend to see other guys as prehistoric Luddites that haven't "evolved" into special, sensitive modern men.

That last belief is part of the reason the beta mindset is so resilient to extinction - Beta males believe their deferring to females is a morally-superior position. In a post-Feminism world, the beta male is the champion of social justice. He's not only willing to stick up for women, he's willing to sacrifice his goals, dreams, aspirations, self-respect, and even his sense of self for the feminine cause.

Sounds chivalrous, huh?

Not quite.

For all the talk of righting the wrongs of our patriarchal society, a beta male adopts his strategy for one reason: Pussy. In all likelihood, he's surrounded himself with continual messages telling him that the beta persona is the only way to win over the woman of his dreams, so he stubbornly sticks with it. Part of the reason he sticks with it is because he can hide the selfish motivations behind that shield of social justice. The beta male can point to the alpha males and say "See? I'm not like those misogynistic assholes. I support women and women's rights. I feel your pain as an oppressed minority. I feel your pain of powerlessness. Now if you wouldn't mind, do you think we could have a conversation about removing these panties? If it's okay with you, of course."

The Life Experiences of the Beta Male

Because beta males intentionally isolate themselves away from other males, they're much more in tune with female behaviors. This allows the beta male to adopt behaviors and mannerisms of women in an attempt to arouse them. More significantly, it prevents the beta male from really observing other males. If they did spend more time around males, they'd realize most males are attempting to play the exact same game they are. They're not the special snowflake they presume they are; they're just another beta guppy in an ocean of betas... which helps explain their behaviors. Here are a few common scenarios beta males commonly find themselves in:

The teen beta male that keeps getting friend-zoned by his secret crushes. The beta male thinks he's found his Cinderella by watching her from afar. He'll likely befriend her in an attempt to build rapport because he believes that comfort is what turns her on. As such, he's petrified to make a move even if she really wants him to. He just doesn't recognize her signals. Eventually she gives up and turns her attention to more assertive alpha males while friendzoning the beta. He begrudgingly accepts the role as her emotional tampon and patiently waits for the "clearly inferior alpha" to fuck things up so he can have another crack at his dream girl. Which never happens. The cycle repeats a few times until eventually the beta concludes the woman of his dreams is actually a shallow, vapid, low-value slut. After all, why else would she keep going for these jackass alphas? The beta male doesn't even consider the possibility that all women are turned on by alphas because he is too emotionally-invested in his "women love vulnerable men" worldview. 

The 20-something beta male that can't seem to land the hot chicks. This beta may be in college, recently graduated, or in the beginning of a promising career. This beta has probably had at least one relationship with a girl he thought was "the one", only to have her turn out to be a different person than she was in the beginning. Now he's trying to play the field, but doesn't have a  lot of success. He goes to the bars and clubs, he spends a lot of time on the periphery of the room holding his drink chest-high rhythmically moving to the music, checking out the girls. Yet he's rarely if ever approached. The only women that seem to show interest are either too overweight, too old, or come off as way too desperate. Still, he gets just enough action to keep himself from going insane. His dream girls are still falling for the asshole alphas, though, and this infuriates the 20-something beta. He briefly considers the possibility that his worldview may be wrong, but quickly dismisses the idea.

The late-20's to early 30's beta male that finally lands his soul mate. All that hard work and patience finally pays off for the beta when he lands a "good girl." She likely came out of nowhere, made the first move, and is significantly more attractive and sweeter than the girls he's used to "dating." Best of all, the sex is far better than anything he's had up to this point, which confirms what he knew all along - women love a weak, vulnerable male. It just took a special woman to finally appreciate that sacrifice he's been making since he hit puberty. He falls head-over-heels in love with her. He eagerly marries her and rides the wave of fantastic sex for months or even a year or two. Eventually she gets pregnant and gives birth. The frequency and quality of sex drop off almost overnight, but the beta male rolls with it because little kids are difficult. Besides, it's only a matter of time before his indecisiveness and passivity make him irresistible once again. 

Late 30's beta male that's trapped in a life of silent desperation. After about four or five years of marriage, the beta male has fallen into a predictable pattern of spending every waking moment of every day trying to figure out the magical combination that will unlock the kinky, sexually-adventurous wife that's buried beneath the naggy, overweight harpy of a "wife" that constantly reminds him of his incompetence. Even though he's a skilled lover (the benefit of obsessing about pleasing women), he can sense she's just not into it. She never initiates, she never touches him in an intimate way, she's grossed out by anything and everything related to sex, and she even bristles when he tries to kiss her. He's desperate for female attention and, like the women from his earlier relationships, he begins wondering if he's made a grave mistake. This woman might not be "the one." At this point, he's probably considering having an affair or initiating a divorce, but can't quite bring himself to do it. Because he's still clinging to his flawed worldview, the beta male never considers the possibility that his now apparently asexual wife does indeed have intense sexual longing... just not for him. The straw that breaks this camel's back can come in many forms. One or both partners might get caught cheating. One or both may decide to end the relationship. Or, sometimes, the beta male discovers things from his "good girl" wife's past. Specifically, he may find out details of her wild sexual exploits before him and he realizes she doesn't, and never did, give him her best sexually. In fact, this is the period where all sorts of epiphanies strike, including the fact that the beta male's wife hasn't loved him for a very long time. The most common phrase men utter in this stage is "I cannot believe she could do that" where "that" is usually the pool boy or his boss. Or served him with divorce papers. It's probably tough knowing she's getting the house while he's getting this:

Post-40's beta male. With any luck, by the time beta males cross the forty threshold, they've experienced enough real live to realize their "women love betas" worldview is not only wrong, but a worldview that actually repels women. Hopefully he now realizes his wife, which he may or may not be with, chose him because he was the best provider she could get to commit, not because he was the hottest, sexiest man she had ever met. This realization is what usually brings on what we like to call a "midlife crisis" where men buy a sports car, abandon their families, and start dating 20-something hot girls. It's worth noting, however, that this isn't a "crisis" at all. It's a realization that the beta male has been living in a Hell disguised as a fantasy world. Once he realizes women hate betas, it's easy enough to adopt alpha traits which, given his maturity and degree of career success, makes him a high value male. THAT is the reason he can and does date younger women. And that sports car? He's probably spent his entire life suppressing his own needs and wants for the women in his life. For the first time, he's doing something for himself. God damn it, he deserves that convertible Mustang.

But what if post-40's beta male doesn't experience this epiphany? That's where things start to get very, very sad. If the beta male, by some miracle, manages to keep his relationship together "for the kids", both him and his wife will go through the motions of a relationship year after year after year as their kids age. When the last of the kids leave the house, the two decades of misery almost always kill the relationship. Both partners would rather brave the singles market in their 50's than spend their twilight years together. In all likelihood, the beta male will marry once again and the cycle will repeat. If he's lucky, he'll kick the bucket during the first year or so of a new relationship while everything is new and happy. In all probability, he'll instead die alone or worse, he'll die in a relationship that's already tanked after the honeymoon period. Throughout his entire life, the beta male had  one fear - that's he'd die alone. Because he never learned the fundamental lesson of what women really want, his greatest fear is actualized.


In this section, I covered why beta males become beta males and how that personality type goes through life. In the next section, I'll cover some of the societal impacts we've seen as a result of an ever-growing beta male population. We'll begin to see that beta males are sort of like an invasive species that upsets an entire ecosystem. It'll be fun.

Part One, Part Three



  1. Thank you for the insight. I enjoyed reading this so much. It just reaffirms my gratitude that I had daughters and not sons as a single mother. I am completely certain I would not have been able to raise an alpha male, which is the type of male I would have wanted to raise.

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  3. I agree. I think I'll kill myself after my birthday tomorrow. One less beta to talk about. Fuck life.