Monday, April 27, 2015

Get Your Shit Together, Ladies!!!

  • Fat shaming
  • Slut shaming
  • Bitch shaming
  • Skinny shaming
  • Boob shaming
  • Successful career shaming
  • Hairstyle shaming
  • Bisexual shaming
  • "You don't wear designer labels" shaming
  • Niche hobby shaming
  • Mommy shaming
Over the last few months, I've come across articles, all written by women, about all of the "shaming" topics listed above. Each article more or less followed the same formula: start with an intro, talk about how shaming behaviors are oppressing women, a rationale why women need to stop that specific shaming behavior, (then the kicker) a paragraph explaining how this particular shaming behavior is the direct result of patriarchal, misogynistic men.

Yes, that's right. All of the above are behaviors women do to each other, yet men are somehow to blame.

A perfect example: I was reading an article about women that delayed marriage and kids in favor of a career. It's a topic I've discussed at length because we make the "you can have it all" lifestyle seem  a lot easier than it really is. Still, a lot of women make that choice. And they get a lot of shit for that decision. In fact, that "shit" is considered the main component of the "glass ceiling" that prevents women from reaching the upper echelons of the corporate ladder. 

Until recently, I bought into the idea that the glass ceiling was created and maintained by high-status men that wanted to protect their "good 'ole boys' club" environment. When I started actually researching the topic, I was having a hard time finding these men. Without exception, every man I talked to welcomed women with open arms. The men understood setting an arbitrary barrier (you can't do this because you have a vagina) prevented the best people from assuming the most important positions, which is a policy that's bad for business. In short, the glass ceiling isn't a construct maintained by men.

The glass ceiling is a construct maintained by women. While it was impossible to find a man that wanted to sabotage a woman's success, it was ridiculously easy to find women that were willing and able to sabotage their fellow women. This sabotage almost always took the form of shaming behavior. The higher a woman climbed the ladder of success, the more other women tried to drag her back down. And their methods were nothing short of cruel. When men fight, we have a code most of us follow. We fight to move up our social ladder, and all men intuitively understand the idea of self-preservation. We'll hurt each other, but the injuries aren't lethal (literally and figuratively.) Women? You don't seem to have that preservation instinct, and it really comes out in the ferociousness of shaming behaviors. 

Listen up, ladies. You need to get your shit together. Stop treating each other like horse shit. More importantly, stop blaming my gender for your fuck-upedness. Men don't care if you're fat. Men don't care if your roots are showing. Men don't care if your belt doesn't exactly match your shoes. Men don't care which brand of jogging stroller you bought. Men don't care if you decided to climb the corporate ladder instead of pushing out a half-dozen babies. And slut shaming? Boob shaming? Bisexual shaming? Do you women really expect anyone to believe MEN are responsible for shaming those behaviors? Really? C'mon, people aren't that stupid.

It's time to stop this mental judo and blaming this dumbass shaming bullshit on men. First, we've spent decades vilifying masculinity presumably because masculinity is responsible for female oppression. That's given our society free reign to attack masculinity at every possible opportunity, and us men are really suffering as a result.

Second, you're sabotaging our own progress. I want to live in a world where we have true gender equality where all of us have the same opportunity regardless of the presence or absence of a vagina. I think men, given our willingness to embrace the emasculating beta mindset, have more than proven we're willing to make a huge sacrifice in for gender equality. 

Ladies? It's your turn to man up. If you want gender equality, stop fucking shaming each other! Things like "mommy wars" is not only immature and illogical, but it hurts all of us. Every time you insult a fellow woman, you're tightening your own shackles. 


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