Women, Explained: Part Eight - "Does This Dress Make Me Look Fat?" and Navigating Shit Tests

Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11

Pretty much every male over the age of fifteen has been asked that dreaded "Does this make me look fat" question. Many men chalk it up to women being insecure about their bodies. As it turns out, women aren't nearly as insecure as we seem to think. Some wiser men recognize the question for what it really is - a test.

A test, you say?!?

What could women possibly be testing with a question like this?

The still-surprising-to-me answer: They're testing your abilities as a male.

If you recall the discussion about female desire, we know that women are sexually aroused by alphas, and one of the defining traits of alphas is confidence. If you recall from the hypergamy post, we also know women will seek out security, too. These tests, which are commonly referred to as "confidence tests", "fitness tests", or my personal favorite, "shit tests." 

I knon wall my male readers are asking "But Jason, why don't women just ask? Why do they need all these sneaky tests?"

That's a legitimate question. To answer, let's look at these tests from a more familiar angle. Guys, let's say you're going on a road trip to Vegas with the guys. A new friend, unfamiliar with the group, is coming along. What can that dude expect for the entire road trip?

The rest of the group is going to haze the fuck out of him. Teasing, insulting, name-calling... all of those serve a very useful purpose - they help us assess the target. Is he tough enough to take the insults? Does he just roll with it? What are his weaknesses? These are the male version of shit tests. In other words, this isn't a tool exclusive to females.

Back to the female example - so why don't women just ask men instead of devising these covert tests? It's pretty simple... we'll readily lie to get a piece of ass. The shit tests are a countermeasure to assess men's true sexual market value. Learn to identify and master shit tests and you'll automatically increase your value dramatically. 

Types of Female Shit Tests

Women will generally use two types of shit tests - one to determine a male's "alpha-ness" and another to determine a male's ability to provide "comfort." Generally-speaking, women will use the alpha tests when they first meet a guy, then security tests when they're interested in a relationship. 

Alpha tests: Alpha tests are true confidence tests. When a woman uses this test, she's measuring whether a man is capable of standing up to her. If he does stand up to her, that signals he's a higher value male relative to her own value. Let's say she uses the common "Buy me a drink" test. A dude with better options (a high value male) isn't going to waste money on her, so he's going to say "no", thus passing the test. A lower value male is going to be desperate to get a girl like her, thus will say "yes" to buying the drink. That's a "fail." This is precisely why women are so physiologically-aroused by jerks. 

Security tests: Security tests are a little more straight-forward. They measure a male's ability to provide safety and security, level of commitment, fidelity, ability as a parent, etc. On the dating scene, women will use security tests to determine if a man is actually interested in a relationship or just using her for a one-night stand. It's worth noting women aren't always looking for a relationship; if they're looking for a no-strings attached one night stand, they want men to "fail" the security test. Women will also use security tests as a means of assessing the health of a relationship. 

Women will use both types of tests to determine the value of any man they're going to fuck or enter into a relationship with, but here's the real kicker - they'll continue throughout relationships. If you recall from the "how men and women love differently" post, women's continued love in relationships is contingent on a male's capacity to provide. "Kept men" tend not to last too long. Because of this, women will continually test men in relationships for both their alpha and security capacity. In fact, this dynamic is one of the reasons men and women have such a difficult time communicating - men desire a love that doesn't require constant qualification; women's love is contingent on constant qualification. Evolution requires women to continually make sure they always have the best man their value can attract and maintain. 

How Do I Master Shit Tests?!?

This is the million dollar question every guy wants to know. I would highly recommend all dudes Google "how to pass shit tests" and read the first ten or so relevant links that pop up. Why? Shit tests come in all sorts of shapes and sizes. Different women will use different tests in different situations. Furthermore, shit tests are basically personality tests. It's impossible to give a list of canned responses because you'll eventually be "found out." In other words, you have to develop the ability to identify and answer shit tests in a way that's congruent with your own personality.

I created a handy guide to mastering shit tests over at my San Diego Man Camp project blog, which can be found here. 

Conclusion

Shit tests are devices all of us use to help cut through the facade people normally erect to hide their true selves. Women use shit tests to assess the value of a potential or current mate. As such, a male can increase his value to her by identifying and understanding how to "pass" the tests. We'll have a deeper discussion on the issue within the SDMC Facebook group, and I'll eventually write a blog post dedicated to the topic.

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